Unsure if my partner has BPD or not...

[lostforadvice]

Hi - am new!

I am unsure if my partner has BPD, Ive only just come across it today but reading the symtoms, it felt like decribing my boyfriends tendancies... .He has previously been diagnosed with depression and anger mangement issues (took 4 years of knowing him to tell me this).

He is angry, he basically throws tantrums over nothing- over insignificant things such as mess or when he has to clean. He punches things, smashes them apart. But I know for a fact he would never lay a hand on me- and there is no one else I trust more to protect me. Sometimes hes even overprotective.

He has minor OCD I beleive, and he agrees. He is affectionate and intimate and loving and then the next day it feels like he doesnt know me, doesnt want to talk to me, doesnt want to be touched. I feel like I give and give and then he pushes me away, only for the next day to drag me back and be loving again, making me feel crazy!

I am incredibly confused alot of the time, most of the time he downplays when I express myself emotionally and then others (when he is his happy loving self) its completely opposite. Theres no one else I'd rather be with and I love him with all my heart, but he makes it hard sometimes.

Im not really sure what to write, and I know this is really badly written - but does this sound like a partner with BPD? Im just looking for some answers to help him... .(and me to manage better).

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Theo41]

Lost for advise, Im sorry you are having to cope with his mood swings and temper. Many of us have the same experience, and as you said : it makes it very hard sometimes. There's alot to be learned here and by reading books like "Stop walking on eggshells." That book made it clear to me that my wife has "symptoms of BPD". She has never been diagnosed professionally and so can't be labeled BPD. There is a treatment for it called DBT. My wife will never go because she's in denial. However, through reading and participation in this site I have developed skills and tools that help me to live much more happily and successfully in this marriage. Before I heard of BPD I was bewildered. Now I have my "sea legs" and have a track to run on. I welcome you and hope you find  help here. ( I know you will if you keep coming back ). THEO

[momtara]

It could be BPD.  Could be PTSD or other things, or just plain old verbal abuse.  When he minimizes your feelings or says you're being too sensitive, that's typical of an abuser, whether mentally ill or not.  It's sort of "crazy making" behavior and can really make your head spin!  Hang in there. 

If he has had a lot of issues like OCD and is willing to work on it or acknowledge it then there is certainly hope.  We are all here because we love these people despite the hurt they cause.  As long as he's not physically abusive and you are okay putting up with some of the other types of hurt and fear, maybe you can work with him and things will turn around.  Good luck!