Feeling discouraged with RTC-Update

[Elbry]

DD15 has been in a RTC since October 27 of last year.  I've posted previously about things going really well.  There are many positive things about the facility, and I am trying to remind myself of them, but I have doubts and concerns and part of me wants to just yank my daughter out of there.

It is a new facility, DD was the first admit there, but now there are 4 other girls.  The other girls are so different from my DD, so violent and out of control.  They have had girls jump out of second story windows, break light bulbs and slash their wrists in front of everyone, they attack each other physically, and attack staff.  Restraints are a daily thing and ER visits are common.  DD has never been personally involved, she has never been violent in her life, she is just a bystander witnessing everything.  She is miserable.

I spoke with the house manger when all this started to be a problem and told him I was concerned that DD would slip through the cracks because if staff is constantly dealing with crises, and she is just sitting reading a book, of course she is bound to be overlooked.  He told me he was aware of that danger and had in fact brought it up in a staff meeting and spoke with staff about making sure to pay attention to her too, and not let that happen. 

DD has a pattern of looking like she is doing really well for long periods of time, months in fact, and then come to find out she is secretly doing very poorly inside and hiding it.  Suicide attempts have come out of the blue before after months of seeming to be doing great.  She presents really, REALLY well and fools everyone.  She was home last weekend and I noticed she has been cutting.  Usually she cuts the inside of her forearm and I saw cuts on the outside of her arm, I've never seen any there before.  There are many in various stages of healing and some significant scars.  So once again, she seems to be doing super, and secretly she's been cutting down there.  I'm seeing the same pattern.  I tried to tell them, she will lull them into complacency and then take them by surprise, I know because it's been done to me a few times. 

She has a discharge date of February 28th.  That is when her insurance approval runs out.  We could apply for an extension, but we hadn't seen any reason clinically to support that.  I'm really worried that she isn't making as much progress as they think.  I feel like she is biding her time, doing her time.  Or maybe I'm overreacting.  I have calls in to her therapist there, I'm waiting for a call back.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[rationalmind]

So sorry you are going through this.  I think as parents we can only do the best we can do.  If your daughter isn't safe at home and she needs RTC care I think telling the staff her history of self harm, emphasizing it, and maybe having her therapist reiterate, will scare them into making sure she is safe.  There are some things that are out of our control and we can only do so much emotionally and financially with what seems like a never ending condition.  Your DD is young and there is hope while she is under your control she will improve as she matures, especially if she is not into the bad behaviors my daughter has espoused.

I have no experience with RTCs as DD only spiraled out of control to that point just recently and she is almost 18--sometimes I wish I could have placed her earlier but I've heard mixed things.  DD was hospitalized last year on an adolescent ward with girls that were horribly violent (and DD can be very irritable herself but nothing like that)--I think it made her worse.  She also attended substance abuse education as an outpatient voluntarily a couple of years ago, and it didn't work. In fact, it's escalated to injected drugs now  :'(--I actually think the contacts she made and talking about the drugs in the meetings led to more use.  So hard to know what to do--DD isn't a cutter or suicidal or I think I'd have more options to keep her safe.

[lbjnltx]

Hi Elbry,

Just checking in to see how things are going?

Is your daughter coming home at the end of this month?  Any changes in your concerns about her care there?

Let us know


lbj

[jellibeans]

Elbry

I am so sorry things don't sound like they are going well for your dd. I personally would go with my gut and take her out of that RTC. That kind of envirnoment can't be good for your dd.

I guess what you need to do going forward is to come up with a new plan. What will happen when she comes home? Has therapy given her anymore insight into what is going on?

I recently had my dd at Menninger's in Houston and they did extensive testing with her and gave her a new dx... .she is now in Hazelden Betty ford clinic in MN... .I feel we were only treating the behavior rather than the source of the behavior and the underlying issues.

I am interested to know what the RTC has told you about your dd? What was their plan for treatment?