Not well today / Cookies?

[ripps]

Breakup was Thursday night. I offered to work on the relationship, she discarded me cruelly / coldly. One way she did this was to have all my stuff packed / by the door when I arrived, even though we were there to talk things out. Have been moving on, nc from me or her. Quiet. At bottom of one of bags she packed were cookies from the cake place she works at. She used to bring me home sweets every night as I liked them after dinner. what the heck?  She coldly discarded me, why give me cookies?  I'm back to not feeling well so any thoughts welcome.

[enlighten me]

If you love them let them go springs to mind. I'd say she has feelings for you but cant go on. Whether its because she knows she will mess up or has done so already and doesnt want you to think any worse of her who can tell.

Contrary to popular belief pwBPD do have feelings. They may not be the same  as ours but they do attach to us.

[ripps]

Thank you. That does make sense, but her attitude during breakup was just so holier than though / I'm in control / cold. I'm having trouble reconciling that with what you said.

[enlighten me]

Not wanting to show hurt/ weakness.

[jhkbuzz]

Breakup was Thursday night. I offered to work on the relationship, she discarded me cruelly / coldly. One way she did this was to have all my stuff packed / by the door when I arrived, even though we were there to talk things out. Have been moving on, nc from me or her. Quiet. At bottom of one of bags she packed were cookies from the cake place she works at. She used to bring me home sweets every night as I liked them after dinner. what the heck?  She coldly discarded me, why give me cookies?  I'm back to not feeling well so any thoughts welcome.

My ex had several affairs, refused couples counseling, decided to move out - but wanted to make dinner for me every night, and breakfast on the weekends, after she found a place and was packing up to leave.  I think that was one of the most difficult things for me to reconcile - the cruelty mixed with (what would have been from anyone else) seeming acts of kindness and caring.

[ripps]

Thanks all. I thought her coldness at the end was "you mean nothing to me anymore". But the cookies, plus as I was walking out the door a slight cry wanting a hug (I didn't, felt repulsed / used) show she did have feelings and it was more about both of what you say: I saw her games / the disorder and she was afraid, and she knows she will continue to mess up. I guess.

[jhkbuzz]

Thanks all. I thought her coldness at the end was "you mean nothing to me anymore". But the cookies, plus as I was walking out the door a slight cry wanting a hug (I didn't, felt repulsed / used) show she did have feelings and it was more about both of what you say: I saw her games / the disorder and she was afraid, and she knows she will continue to mess up. I guess.

I think it's more that they're a mess. Yes, they have feelings - but those feelings change quickly.  They love you.  They loathe you. Then they love you again.  They want you close.  Then you're smothering them.

Not so much games... .it's emotional dysregulation - which sucks for us, but it sucks for them even more.

[jhkbuzz]

Thank you. That does make sense, but her attitude during breakup was just so holier than though / I'm in control / cold. I'm having trouble reconciling that with what you said.

Detached protector mode.  Look up Jeffrey Young's 'schema mode'. People with BPD cut off their emotions when they're in danger of being overwhelmed.