I know I shouldnt recycle because this would be at least the 5th time within 3 years but this has been the worst. I know that this last time I stood up to her and she got so angry that I was told to not come back home again and to get my stuff out. I didn't have to walk out but I did because I wanted to know that we were not going to repeat the same cycle.
While we were seperated for a brief time, she decided to start dating and within a few days of dating found someone who now lives with her. They have been together for two months but she contacts me all the time.
I have tried to let her go but I am struggling because I actually feel for the first time in my life that I really love someone and have been willing to put everything into this r/s. We were together for 3 years.
I feel like the fool because she has a new man in her life but tries to keep contact with me. Why am I holding on when it was so easy for her to pick up with someone else. This was my biggest fear in our r/s that if I didn't give her what she wanted or needed, I would be replaced.
Make no mistake, if she can hook up with someone new within days of you two breaking up;
1. she was already seeing him.
2. she can't be alone and will take anyone.
3. everyone is replacable in her mind.
I have the opportunity to find a relationship with someone without BPD but I am so drawn to her and she keeps the hook in me. She tells me that she is happy but not really because she still has a love for me. She blames all t his on me because I didn move back in when she asked. I didn't move back in because when I was about to, it always seemed that it was conditional and under her terms. I felt she wasn't ready.
I should stay away but can't help feel that love is worth pursuing. She is th economy one that has ever had this effect on me and maybe that is why I am confused.
Work on you.
Don't worry about 'a relationship'.
Work on you. Get YOU healthy, get you happy.
Get your confidence back.
What love is NOT is 'feelings, emotions, impulses'
What love is:
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
This is "the love measuring stick".
If this looks nothing like the 'love' you have for her, or the 'love' she has for you?
Then it's probably not love... .