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They who hate others really hate themselves
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Topic: They who hate others really hate themselves (Read 380 times)
Reecer1588
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 396
They who hate others really hate themselves
«
on:
March 25, 2015, 05:29:37 PM »
There is so much I wish I could say to my ex girlfriend now.
One of the many things I am coming to accept as a part of my transformation is "They who hate others really hate themselves", and while I believe this isn't dogma, it certainly works for me. I believe in it. If you hate others, treat others with contempt, that is exactly how you feel about yourself.
And the truth is, I believe this is the case with my ex. She has shown me so much hate since she painted me black, I believe that's the same way she deep down feels about herself.
This is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to like,love, be kind to others, because that's how I want to treat myself.
That's all
Thanks for having this place to let my thoughts be written down
Reece
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Mike-X
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 669
Re: They who hate others really hate themselves
«
Reply #1 on:
March 25, 2015, 06:00:37 PM »
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Blimblam
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2892
Re: They who hate others really hate themselves
«
Reply #2 on:
March 25, 2015, 10:10:41 PM »
And in some very related way I found/find that attractive.
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rj47
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced after 30 years. Still care, but moved on.
Posts: 198
Re: They who hate others really hate themselves
«
Reply #3 on:
March 26, 2015, 02:32:22 PM »
Quote from: Reecer1588 on March 25, 2015, 05:29:37 PM
This is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to like,love, be kind to others, because that's how I want to treat myself.
I found that my need to love her, be kind, cope, be a better man and try "manage" her emotional states gradually sucked the life out of me and drove me into near constant despair. Frankly, it covered deeper issues between us that only began to surface when I stopped caring. When the FOG began to lift the accumulated resentment and anger from my decades of failure began to boil over and find its outlet in pushing back with near equal anger and emotionally shutting her out. I realized that I have no one to blame but myself; she was simply acting out pre-scripted behaviors that she had little control over. And, I encouraged and enabled it.
In the end, perhaps it was me that did harm to her with my enabling behavior. I'm trying to focus on the real source of anger... .my own stupidity; and find outlet in trying to treat others better than myself.
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"It's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain."
Mike-X
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 669
Re: They who hate others really hate themselves
«
Reply #4 on:
March 26, 2015, 06:13:57 PM »
Quote from: rj47 on March 26, 2015, 02:32:22 PM
Quote from: Reecer1588 on March 25, 2015, 05:29:37 PM
This is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to like,love, be kind to others, because that's how I want to treat myself.
I found that my need to love her, be kind, cope, be a better man and try "manage" her emotional states gradually sucked the life out of me and drove me into near constant despair. Frankly, it covered deeper issues between us that only began to surface when I stopped caring. When the FOG began to lift the accumulated resentment and anger from my decades of failure began to boil over and find its outlet in pushing back with near equal anger and emotionally shutting her out. I realized that I have no one to blame but myself; she was simply acting out pre-scripted behaviors that she had little control over. And, I encouraged and enabled it.
In the end, perhaps it was me that did harm to her with my enabling behavior. I'm trying to focus on the real source of anger... .my own stupidity; and find outlet in trying to treat others better than myself.
Don't beat yourself up to badly. I doubt that you were given a handbook for dealing with people with BPD. You learned; you are here; and you are trying to make a difference.
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jhkbuzz
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1639
Re: They who hate others really hate themselves
«
Reply #5 on:
March 26, 2015, 07:59:19 PM »
Quote from: Reecer1588 on March 25, 2015, 05:29:37 PM
There is so much I wish I could say to my ex girlfriend now.
One of the many things I am coming to accept as a part of my transformation is "They who hate others really hate themselves", and while I believe this isn't dogma, it certainly works for me. I believe in it. If you hate others, treat others with contempt, that is exactly how you feel about yourself.
And the truth is, I believe this is the case with my ex. She has shown me so much hate since she painted me black, I believe that's the same way she deep down feels about herself.
This is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to like,love, be kind to others, because that's how I want to treat myself.
That's all
Thanks for having this place to let my thoughts be written down
Reece
I think that is true about her self hatred; they project the loathing they feel for themselves onto others.
And thinking about the kind of human being you want to be - good, loving and kind - despite the way you've been treated - is a wonderful step in the right direction.
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