NC or Contact?

[newtothis28]

I was thinking about emailing my exBPD once a day to help with the devaluation and trust issues?  Is this wrong, or is better to have no contact?  Please help! 

[mitatsu]

No contact leads to quicker recovery for you 

[jhkbuzz]

I was thinking about emailing my exBPD once a day to help with the devaluation and trust issues?  Is this wrong, or is better to have no contact?  Please help! 

Glad you've found your way to these boards! Recovering from a relationship with a person with BPD can be really difficult... .are you comfortable sharing your story?  How long were you together? Any children?  How long since the breakup?

[newtothis28]

Honestly, the honeymoon period lasted 2 months for me.  The breakup was two weeks ago. 

[jhkbuzz]

Honestly, the honeymoon period lasted 2 months for me.  The breakup was two weeks ago. 

So were you together for only two months, or longer?

I know the first few weeks of a breakup is hard.  What makes you think she has BPD?  Are you thinking about contacting her because you want to rekindle the relationship? Based on the circumstances that led to the breakup, is this a good idea for you?

[Mister Brightside]

It's not easy to say whether or not you should have contact with this person since we don't yet know the details of your situation; but, I think it's safe to say the majority of people here, based on experience, would agree that in most cases, no contact is the correct option.

Giving attention to this person while being devalued is just going to give them more of a sounding board to devalue you even faster. And they will probably lose a little respect for you if you keep trying despite their treating you poorly. You may even lose a lIttle respect for yourself after it's all said and done, because no matter how much common sense you speak to a borderline, they won't internalize it the same way a non would.

It hurts a lot to let go of the feelings you felt in the idealization stage, but continuing discussion with such a disordered mind will just make you feel crazy and delay your healing.

[jhkbuzz]

The other thing you may want to consider is visiting the Undecided: Staying or Leaving Board. It sounds like you may be sort of undecided... .

[newtothis28]

Here's part of my story... .

I think my ex-boyfriend has BPD because he exhibits all the symptoms.  I mean I didn't figure it out until we separated for a week and his behavior shifted so quickly.  The separation was not because of anything that we did, but our jobs gave us a week off.  When we came back from the week off, he was suddenly very angry and had different excuses as to why our relationship was not right.  I had made plans with him during the week off and canceled those plans not because of anything he did, but simply because I was tired.  I told him that I would see him soon and he immediately broke up with me.  I can only assume that the trigger was the separation and the see you soon brought out his already strong fears of perceived abandonment.

I'm perfectly fine with no contact if that is the best route. Thanks for helping!   

[jhkbuzz]

Here's part of my story... .

I think my ex-boyfriend has BPD because he exhibits all the symptoms.  I mean I didn't figure it out until we separated for a week and his behavior shifted so quickly.  The separation was not because of anything that we did, but our jobs gave us a week off.  When we came back from the week off, he was suddenly very angry and had different excuses as to why our relationship was not right.  I had made plans with him during the week off and canceled those plans not because of anything he did, but simply because I was tired.  I told him that I would see him soon and he immediately broke up with me.  I can only assume that the trigger was the separation and the see you soon brought out his already strong fears of perceived abandonment.

I'm perfectly fine with no contact if that is the best route. Thanks for helping!   

Most on these boards suggest no contact as the best route of healing for YOU.  Attempts at friendship usually painfully backfire, which you will see if you read through some of the stories on these boards.

Take care of yourself!