How to cope from the withdrawal

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So I hope this is appropriate to talk about, because I don't know where else to talk about it.

I've been broken up from my ex gf for the last two months, moved away, last had sex with her over two months ago

Unlike others who had sex withheld from them, my ex gf and I (or maybe she mirrored my intensity) had so similar sex drives. At least three to five times a week. Constant texts back and fourth between us saying how she missed me, couldn't wait until I got home.

I look back now and realize when she was getting to know me she was basically interviewing me for my sexual desires so she could use them to "please her man". For example I love women in stockings, within three weeks of dating I go to her apartment and she's dressed in an overcoat with stockings on underneath.

Anyways back to the original post. We both had the same sex drive, seemed to really love having sex with each other, and I personally felt afterwards we were very intimate in how we spooned, cuddled, her laying her head on my chest and falling asleep.

The last seven months of our two years we dated we lived together. Even prior to that the intensity was there.

How to cope when you had someone in your life that, at least I believed at the time, loved doing anything and everything together. I felt we were building intimacy together. How to go from that affection, whether it was sex, or cuddling, or back rubs, or holding hands, just making out, etc basically whenever to going cold turkey?

I still think about her a lot, and I wonder if I'll ever have that intense feeling now with someone else if I truly heal?

Also, knowing she has a new downgraded man, my mind has actually had dreams where I've seen the two of them (I don't know what he looks like, I don't look at her facebook she is blocked but there have been times I want to, just go on words from friends that say he's definitely not me) and that kills me.

Kills me that I thought my angel, that she only wanted to do these things with me, is now doing the same thing with someone else. I've never been one where I wanted sex with a lot of women, I wanted and had sex a lot with her! that's what made is so amazing.

Like previous posters said she was very adventourous as well. Always talked about wanting to have public sex, had fun while driving, etc. I felt like she opened up my sexual world that I didn't have when I was married. She said I opened up her world, yeah right. I wanted to believe that, but now not so much.

I just don't know how to deal with this all? I'm a very affectionate person. Hell the other day I went for a massage and when the lady massaged my hands I had to do everything I could to not just hold her hand.

When does it get better? When do the thoughts of someone else doing those things to my former woman end? If I didn't have my kids I don't know if I'd survive. I thought this was everything I was lacking in my marriage. UGH!

[confusedinWI]

So I hope this is appropriate to talk about, because I don't know where else to talk about it.

I've been broken up from my ex gf for the last two months, moved away, last had sex with her over two months ago

Unlike others who had sex withheld from them, my ex gf and I (or maybe she mirrored my intensity) had so similar sex drives. At least three to five times a week. Constant texts back and fourth between us saying how she missed me, couldn't wait until I got home.

I look back now and realize when she was getting to know me she was basically interviewing me for my sexual desires so she could use them to "please her man". For example I love women in stockings, within three weeks of dating I go to her apartment and she's dressed in an overcoat with stockings on underneath.

Anyways back to the original post. We both had the same sex drive, seemed to really love having sex with each other, and I personally felt afterwards we were very intimate in how we spooned, cuddled, her laying her head on my chest and falling asleep.

The last seven months of our two years we dated we lived together. Even prior to that the intensity was there.

How to cope when you had someone in your life that, at least I believed at the time, loved doing anything and everything together. I felt we were building intimacy together. How to go from that affection, whether it was sex, or cuddling, or back rubs, or holding hands, just making out, etc basically whenever to going cold turkey?

I still think about her a lot, and I wonder if I'll ever have that intense feeling now with someone else if I truly heal?

Also, knowing she has a new downgraded man, my mind has actually had dreams where I've seen the two of them (I don't know what he looks like, I don't look at her facebook she is blocked but there have been times I want to, just go on words from friends that say he's definitely not me) and that kills me.

Kills me that I thought my angel, that she only wanted to do these things with me, is now doing the same thing with someone else. I've never been one where I wanted sex with a lot of women, I wanted and had sex a lot with her! that's what made is so amazing.

Like previous posters said she was very adventourous as well. Always talked about wanting to have public sex, had fun while driving, etc. I felt like she opened up my sexual world that I didn't have when I was married. She said I opened up her world, yeah right. I wanted to believe that, but now not so much.

I just don't know how to deal with this all? I'm a very affectionate person. Hell the other day I went for a massage and when the lady massaged my hands I had to do everything I could to not just hold her hand.

When does it get better? When do the thoughts of someone else doing those things to my former woman end? If I didn't have my kids I don't know if I'd survive. I thought this was everything I was lacking in my marriage. UGH!

[Irish Pride]

So I hope this is appropriate to talk about, because I don't know where else to talk about it.

I've been broken up from my ex gf for the last two months, moved away, last had sex with her over two months ago

Unlike others who had sex withheld from them, my ex gf and I (or maybe she mirrored my intensity) had so similar sex drives. At least three to five times a week. Constant texts back and fourth between us saying how she missed me, couldn't wait until I got home.

I look back now and realize when she was getting to know me she was basically interviewing me for my sexual desires so she could use them to "please her man". For example I love women in stockings, within three weeks of dating I go to her apartment and she's dressed in an overcoat with stockings on underneath.

Anyways back to the original post. We both had the same sex drive, seemed to really love having sex with each other, and I personally felt afterwards we were very intimate in how we spooned, cuddled, her laying her head on my chest and falling asleep.

The last seven months of our two years we dated we lived together. Even prior to that the intensity was there.

How to cope when you had someone in your life that, at least I believed at the time, loved doing anything and everything together. I felt we were building intimacy together. How to go from that affection, whether it was sex, or cuddling, or back rubs, or holding hands, just making out, etc basically whenever to going cold turkey?

I still think about her a lot, and I wonder if I'll ever have that intense feeling now with someone else if I truly heal?

Also, knowing she has a new downgraded man, my mind has actually had dreams where I've seen the two of them (I don't know what he looks like, I don't look at her facebook she is blocked but there have been times I want to, just go on words from friends that say he's definitely not me) and that kills me.

Kills me that I thought my angel, that she only wanted to do these things with me, is now doing the same thing with someone else. I've never been one where I wanted sex with a lot of women, I wanted and had sex a lot with her! that's what made is so amazing.

Like previous posters said she was very adventourous as well. Always talked about wanting to have public sex, had fun while driving, etc. I felt like she opened up my sexual world that I didn't have when I was married. She said I opened up her world, yeah right. I wanted to believe that, but now not so much.

I just don't know how to deal with this all? I'm a very affectionate person. Hell the other day I went for a massage and when the lady massaged my hands I had to do everything I could to not just hold her hand.

When does it get better? When do the thoughts of someone else doing those things to my former woman end? If I didn't have my kids I don't know if I'd survive. I thought this was everything I was lacking in my marriage. UGH!

It was like this, in the beginning, for me and my BPDx. Everything was VERY intense, sexually. She indulged my desires (very similar to yours) and everything was great for awhile. In my case, I think it was a sort of bating. She took my desires, my desperation, my hunger and did what she could for fulfill them. Of course, after awhile, it changed. She had me... .hook, line and sinker and she knew it.

Here's my opinion. I think it will be even MORE intense when you finally find your true mate. You will both be willing... .wanting... .to do for each other, not for yourself, but for her and the both of you. It'll be more pure, more loving, more intimate. This is the hope I'm clinging to.

[DyingLove]

Same here with you both.  Sex was great. I could swear there was plenty of love too though... .

[dagwoodbowser]

confusedinWI: This is a tough one and as I get close to 50 days of N/C I know the sexual withdrawal was a total obsession for me the first few weeks. The problem was it was keeping extremely Triggered and stuck. The more I re-played the old reels of our intimacy, the more I kept thinking about her. I was finally able to get some control over it, days would pass and then I would go there... .only to find the rest of that day into tomorrow I was stuck again.

I actually put my thoughts out on this a while back.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=274226.0

Anyway, at least for me now I seem to have it under control and the longer I stay N/C, sort through emotions, read the posts that are all too familiar I start to realize it wasnt really what I would call Love, but more of an addiction and obsession. Good luck man... .work hard on N/C.

[shatterd]

yup could have done with out that memory, time will help, hang in there when u get somebody new hopefully u can start it all over again. 

[Achaya]

The sex was so great in my relationship I would have hung on to it a lot longer for that reason alone, had I been allowed to choose. It's one of the things that puzzle me about the ending: why would anybody throw out that exceptional of a sexual relationship? I try to focus on the fact that this is another thing that is nonsensical about the unravelling of our relationship, and that is not compatible with what I want from a partner.