Dream... felt the r/s

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I had a dream last night, it was like the ghost of x-mas past visited me.  I got to re experience what it felt like year three in the r/s.

We were all getting ready in the morning.  Kids getting ready for school, us getting ready for work.  The kids were running late because they were following his lead as he had asked them to do chores in the am before school.  (He liked making D13 late for school on purpose, but pretended it was innocent, so she would miss the bus and he could have her company for part of the drive in the am)

Anyway... .the details of the dream are not so important.  We ended up having a disagreement about how to handle being on time.  It was very much like a real situation that we would have been in and how we both would have responded.  He talked down to me, in front of the kids.

What is important was how I was feeling in the dream.  I was feeling disrespected, treated like second class, undermined in front of the kids.

I wanted to share this because a lot of the time we struggle hard to remember the things that are bad about the r/s. 

For me, I realized that it is one thing to remember that we were feeling undermined or some other bad feeling within the r/s, ... .quite more powerful to actually experience these feelings.

[Sunfl0wer]

I had a dream last night, it was like the ghost of x-mas past visited me.  I got to re experience what it felt like year three in the r/s.

We were all getting ready in the morning.  Kids getting ready for school, us getting ready for work.  The kids were running late because they were following his lead as he had asked them to do chores in the am before school.  (He liked making D13 late for school on purpose, but pretended it was innocent, so she would miss the bus and he could have her company for part of the drive in the am)

Anyway... .the details of the dream are not so important.  We ended up having a disagreement about how to handle being on time.  It was very much like a real situation that we would have been in and how we both would have responded.  He talked down to me, in front of the kids.

What is important was how I was feeling in the dream.  I was feeling disrespected, treated like second class, undermined in front of the kids.

I wanted to share this because a lot of the time we struggle hard to remember the things that are bad about the r/s. 

For me, I realized that it is one thing to remember that we were feeling undermined or some other bad feeling within the r/s, ... .quite more powerful to actually experience these feelings.

[StarOfTheSea]

Hi Sunfl0wer,

I had a dream about my exBPDbf this past weekend that was much like yours; the emotions were so real. In the dream I was calling him out on all the things he did to me. I remember raging and yelling at him and feeling deeply betrayed. Funny thing is, in the dream he just sat there and didn't try much to argue with me which is not his personality (He's the king of confrontation.).

I woke up feeling very 'off' like I had actually just had an argument with him. Dreams are strange!

[dagwoodbowser]

First few weeks after this last B/U I was having dreams about my X BPD also. Yes, the emotional intensity is as real as if she was actually there. That deep gash and sense of emptiness and despair. It's been a while now that I have been in N/C almost 2 months. Kind of like my body has purged itself of her psyche.

[McGahee21]

i had a dream too a couple days ago about my BPDx.   its weird how that can stir up emotions... .ugh

[dobie]

I had a dream about her last night I find I dream about her still once or twice a week .



In my dream she was going to tailand (place we intended to visit ) and got one of her friends to call me to tell her not to contact her I haven't done for weeks /months .

[Bassoutcast]

Hey 

I've had a few dreams about my ex, the most recent was of us hanging out and having fun, laughing, felt great.

The previous one was the one I remember the most, I was hanging out and somehow got to her work (she works at a mall in a different city), ran into her, she was wearing excessive makeup (almost drag-queen-ish) and wearing the same clothes she wore on our first date. Asked her if she was going on a date, she nodded up and down, I said "cool, how long has this been going on?" she said 3 weeks, I said "... .but we broke up 2 weeks ago (she was silent)... .ok, got it, have fun!" turned around to walk away and she said "... .I thought you'd be jealous... .". I said, surprised "Jealous? why in the world would I be jealous?" and that's all I can remember.

Weird 

[Deeno02]

Same. Had one as well. We were still together and things were cool. Im not sure what or why I dreamed this or what it means. All I know is that it woke me out of a sound sleep... .

[Sunfl0wer]

I intellectually know that the r/s was unhealthy in many ways. 

However, what I thought was interesting about the dream was that reliving that pain and emotion of feeling disrespected and humiliated, and in front of the kids was such a strong experience in the dream... .so realistic. A place of feeling that I have not gone to when awake.  A part of the experience I have disconnected myself from.

I was curious thinking a lot of us find ways to remind ourselves of bad events that occurred to give us strength to not recycle.  (When I think of the bad times, I think events, not feelings)

Then we can also sometimes relive the fond memories and feelings and feel drawn. (However when I think of the good, I'm more likely to re experience some feeling)

I have never tried or thought of reliving the bad feelings, I just stored them as facts, not feelings.  (Kind of the opposite of BPD maybe). (Maybe others actually do relive the pain tho, unlike me)

Not that I want to spend time sitting around thinking and feeling those bad things.  It was tho a helpful reminder for me to be aware of it existing.  I think my mind wanted me aware of the feelings of pain that I was out of touch with.  That my bad memories are more than just bad memories and events, but that they are also painful experiences.

Did that make sense?