Ashamed?

[runningup]

Well I heard through the grape vine, that my XBPD who cheated on me 9 weeks ago, and is now living with the guy 1 week after being caught, had a family dinner last night for monthers day and her fathers birthday, so it would have been her folks, her 5yo son, her borther, his wife and their daughter, she didnt take the new BF along to it, and nobody has even met him yet.

What could be a possible reason for this from someone thats cheated and has BPD? I wouldnt have thought she would have been ashamed as I wouldnt think that would factor into her mind at all. Well considering back at the start she sent me an abusive txt telling me she didnt care what anyone thought of her hooking up with this 20yrs her senior dead beat.

[Reforming]

Well I heard through the grape vine, that my XBPD who cheated on me 9 weeks ago, and is now living with the guy 1 week after being caught, had a family dinner last night for monthers day and her fathers birthday, so it would have been her folks, her 5yo son, her borther, his wife and their daughter, she didnt take the new BF along to it, and nobody has even met him yet.

What could be a possible reason for this from someone thats cheated and has BPD? I wouldnt have thought she would have been ashamed as I wouldnt think that would factor into her mind at all. Well considering back at the start she sent me an abusive txt telling me she didnt care what anyone thought of her hooking up with this 20yrs her senior dead beat.

Hi runningup

Really sorry to hear that you're going this right now?

BPD is an attachment disorder and sufferers struggle to sustain intimate relationships with another person.  They frequently feel an overwhelming fear of abandonment and the thought of being on their own is terrifying so they often seek other partners when they are still involved in a relationship

Their behaviour can feel very hurtful and confusing to us, but shame and feeling defective, evil, bad is at the root of a lot of their behaviour

There's a good introductory article on the disorder that's worth reading if you want to find out more

What is Borderline Personality Disorder

https://bpdfamily.com/tools/articles2a.htm

We have a section on the site about BPD behaviours which is really worth reading

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.msg1331266#msg1331266

I understand that this probably feels very painful. How are you holding up

Reforming

[runningup]

I thought I was doing ok considering, I have learnt a lot about the disorder, I was actually the one that diagnosed her, and then she started seeing psych. Its cost me a lot what shes done, both financially and my plans for future which I had worked my arse off for 5 yrs to achieve, its all been lost due to her behaviour. My life now is currently empty, I am in another town, staying with family, unemplyed due to her actions, struggling with basics, which I thought I was starting to get headway on.

The grapevine I heard it through was her parents, and thats just opened up the wound again, and I am more raw than I thought I was.

[Reforming]

I thought I was doing ok considering, I have learnt a lot about the disorder, I was actually the one that diagnosed her, and then she started seeing psych. Its cost me a lot what shes done, both financially and my plans for future which I had worked my arse off for 5 yrs to achieve, its all been lost due to her behaviour. My life now is currently empty, I am in another town, staying with family, unemplyed due to her actions, struggling with basics, which I thought I was starting to get headway on.

The grapevine I heard it through was her parents, and thats just opened up the wound again, and I am more raw than I thought I was.

I'm really sorry that things have worked out like this. I know it can feel difficult and lonely rebuilding your life in the aftermath of a painful relationship. And hearing about your exe can rub salt in the wound.

I found healing and detaching a mess stop start process. I felt better for a while and then I feel overwhelmed by grief and anger. It can feel very hopeless and frustrating. It's can be hard to focus on our ourselves and try and move forward, but it does get better with time.

I found seeing a therapist really helped and I asked my family and friends to avoid talking about my ex for a while, because I needed space for myself. I think the most important thing right now is try and be kind to yourself.

Reforming

[runningup]

Yeah I think your right on one thing there, talking to family and friends can become counter productive at times. I have a headache at the moment, its 10:59pm, most nights I have been laying awake until about 3am as I cant stop my brain, no amount of valium stops it and allows me to sleep, and I think that is getting to me also.

I miss her so much, and I hate her so much. She isnt the woman I fell in love with anymore... .it makes me feel like she never was, I was in love with the mirroring, the sex, and tolerated the anger, lies and cheating. I still miss her, I so want to break NC, but I know how I am feeling means absolutly ___ing nothing to her. I know if I ceased to exist she would somehow make it about her and there would be no responsibility for even that.

she has done what she has done, and there no consequences for her, well none that satisfy me for the suffering I am going through as she enjoys her life, which is esentially my life with another man. Maybe I should just give her my house and she can go live happy ___ing families there with him, give her my cars too, just take everything from me. Take the first time in my life I have been called dad, take my step son and never let me see him. Take it ___ing all.