Why?

[foggydew]

Had a crappy weekend away, with uBpd person sniping and snarling at me, belittling and whatever. Then we were on the way to a meeting, and I took the wrong turning. He demanded that we turn round and that I drive home, as it was impolite to arrive late (they never start on time, we would have been 10 mins late). When we got back, he was unpleasant and I slammed the door behind him when he went.

Today he came round to see me and I tried to talk to him about it ... .of course it was my fault for being so stupid and always knowing best. Eventually, I managed to get him to agree that we hadn't communicated well. He began to smile and say he must be a vicious person. I asked him why he said that, and he said, 'well, that's just how I am. I sometimes wish I wasn't. But I'm only really vicious with myself and with you'.

ARGH!. Why, for heaven's sake?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[sweetheart]

Hello foggydew,

This is the contrariness of pwBPD in action. Your bf shows some insight into his behaviour, but his BPD behaviours trumps that insight, and the disorder wins every time. Creating understandable frustration in you.

Was there another way you could have chosen to deal with the situation ? I'm not suggesting you are in the wrong by the way, just wondering whether it would have been possible for you to go to the meeting without him.

[foggydew]

Thanks for your insight, Sweetheart. Yes, with hindsight I should have dumped him at the next bus stop, but I was so surprised. As he was exceedingly offensive on the way back, I was so angry that I couldn't deal with it. I would have liked to tell him to get out of the car, but you can't put anyone out on a motorway... .

But why is he only like that with ME? I've tried to talk to him about it and all I get is... 'you're so stupid, I get tired of repeating what I say.'... not true, actually

[mindwise]

Something you'll hear many people say is to never let your guard down. ALWAYS be prepared for sudden mood swings, provocations, him pushing your buttons, etc. It's easier said than done but if you exercise that mind set you'll be able to respond instead of react.

The positive thing I see in your OP is that both of you came to agree that "we hadn't communicated well".

Why is he only like that with you? Because you are close and participate in the pattern. He pushes button -> you react