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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Starting to detach  (Read 395 times)
Chicken Soup
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 174


« on: June 19, 2015, 09:13:39 PM »

I think it started Valentine's Day when I realized the cats and I have more intimacy than I do with her.

Since then, I've taken off the wedding ring (told her it was interfering when I exercise), and I don't attend church with her on a regular basis any longer.  I'm happy when she goes to bed before I do.

And after two straight evenings of her unloading on me, and reading some of the lessons, I need to work on a plan for leaving.  The plan up to this date is to leave in 2018, after the youngest graduates.  A voice in the back of my head says I should prepare for leaving earlier.

Thanks for letting me share.  This is painful.
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Beach_Babe
Also known as FriedaB
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2412



« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2015, 05:36:12 AM »

These relationships are quite painful. Kudos to you for taking steps to remove yourself, however. Do you think your wife would be open to counseling?
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DreamerGirl
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Posts: 193


« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2015, 05:47:25 AM »

Hi Beach_Babe,

I'm sorry to hear your pain.  I totally understand it.

I also have taken off my birthday diamond necklace from BPDbf.  It just felt right to me to do so.

You mention a plan of leaving, but then when you mention the word prepare, I sense from you may be giving your power to her to decide?

What stops you now?  Children are resilient if they have two loving parents, so why are you staying?

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FannyB
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 566



« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2015, 08:16:38 AM »

Chicken

Sorry to hear your tale of woe.

Do you think that she's really getting worse, or is it just a case that you're worn out by the cumulative effect of living with a pwBPD for so many years? These relationships can be very one-sided, and even the most loving, patient person is bound to run out of gas at some point! 

Cheers

Fanny
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