Starting to detach

[Depression = 72% of members]

I think it started Valentine's Day when I realized the cats and I have more intimacy than I do with her.

Since then, I've taken off the wedding ring (told her it was interfering when I exercise), and I don't attend church with her on a regular basis any longer.  I'm happy when she goes to bed before I do.

And after two straight evenings of her unloading on me, and reading some of the lessons, I need to work on a plan for leaving.  The plan up to this date is to leave in 2018, after the youngest graduates.  A voice in the back of my head says I should prepare for leaving earlier.

Thanks for letting me share.  This is painful.

[Chicken Soup]

I think it started Valentine's Day when I realized the cats and I have more intimacy than I do with her.

Since then, I've taken off the wedding ring (told her it was interfering when I exercise), and I don't attend church with her on a regular basis any longer.  I'm happy when she goes to bed before I do.

And after two straight evenings of her unloading on me, and reading some of the lessons, I need to work on a plan for leaving.  The plan up to this date is to leave in 2018, after the youngest graduates.  A voice in the back of my head says I should prepare for leaving earlier.

Thanks for letting me share.  This is painful.

[Beach_Babe]

These relationships are quite painful. Kudos to you for taking steps to remove yourself, however. Do you think your wife would be open to counseling?

[DreamerGirl]

Hi Beach_Babe,

I'm sorry to hear your pain.  I totally understand it.

I also have taken off my birthday diamond necklace from BPDbf.  It just felt right to me to do so.

You mention a plan of leaving, but then when you mention the word prepare, I sense from you may be giving your power to her to decide?

What stops you now?  Children are resilient if they have two loving parents, so why are you staying?

[FannyB]

Chicken

Sorry to hear your tale of woe.

Do you think that she's really getting worse, or is it just a case that you're worn out by the cumulative effect of living with a pwBPD for so many years? These relationships can be very one-sided, and even the most loving, patient person is bound to run out of gas at some point! 

Cheers

Fanny