Real Person?

[gah]

I am struggling with understanding some things... .

The person I met and loved became a raging person I do not recognize.  Hyde is amazing but Jekyl is a jerk.  When people on here refer to the "real person" aren't they both? 

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[letmeout]

I don't know if BPD people have a 'core' personality. They seem to have a number of different personalities and from what I could tell from my ex, those personalities do not communicate with each other.

[Butterfly12]

From what I understand, yes, they are both. The problem is at some point it is understood we now have the perspective that we cannot be duped by their charm and amazing character because we know too much, so are therefore  the enemy. And we don't get to see the Dr. Hyde side anymore because there is nothing to be gained from us.

The only time when he might peek through is when the possibility that we are slipping away becomes apparent.

The reality of that makes me so very sad. I miss the charming sweet man my husband once was.

[gah]

I understand that Prince Charming is gone, but at the Hyde core (anyone not in this would be like what are you talking about ) he is a good, kind person.  I guess my thinking is that Jekyl is a protector and completely separate, but that he isn't the real guy.  My thinking is that the Prince Charming guy isn't as perfect as we thought but still the morality, general personality is there?  Am I dumb?

I am apart from my guy right now (i'm STILL trying to make it work), he stays in touch (albeit Jekyl) but all of a sudden he all of a sudden has a new BDSM hobby.  Which scares the heck out of me because this particular one is about control/trust.  I know unequivocally he hasn't had any interest in this before.  He may have a new love interest (which makes me almost vomit), but he says he is not.  He lies.  I feel stupid for believing him.

Today's text thread he was about the age of 5.  He is supposed to get his cancer results back (he had serious cancer 2 years ago with chemo/radiation).   He says "only the privileged get to know" and I ask if he's done more work on the (our) house if he can send me pics (he always does) and he says "no".  This petulance is awful.

[Ceruleanblue]

Well, even thought things have gotten so much better since BPDh is in DBT therapy, and on meds, I still feel hoodwinked about how he portrayed himself when we were dating. He knew that wasn't who he was. Now I know why his 17 year old son kept looking at him as if he'd spouted a new head. He also said things like "this isn't you", but I just thought he was teasing his Dad.

I think my husband's real personality is nowhere near the guy he portrayed himself to be, and I often wonder how he maintained that for over a year. I get glimpses of is now, when he is in a good mood, or around others he cares to impress, of course. I think it's like a mask he puts on.

I try to think of it as he's not nearly as nice as I thought he was, but he's maybe not as deliberately evil as I thought he was a while back, either. It's just all part of the battle of BPD.