Her biggest gift...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So getting ready to wrap up my second week of freedom from the stbx uBPDw.

Yesterday I had some pangs of guilt.  I know that will happen from time to time.  In fact, my homework from my T is focused on finding out where my (overly large) sense of guilt comes from.

We're in the process of splitting up the cell phones.  She'll come off my plan, and get her own.  The process doesn't involve her getting superuser status and being able to see the bill, yet she requested I provide her such access so she can move her phone to a new plan.

I suspect she wants the superuser status so that she can access the bill to find my imaginary non-existent affair partner.  About six weeks ago she requested all the passwords so she could "check the data plan and save us a few bucks"... .Riiiiiight.  Just as we're about to divorce, and she's focused like a laser on finding evidence of my (non-existent) affair, she wants to save a couple bucks on the phone bill.

It's stuff like this that really helps me get through the guilt.  Yesterday I felt sorry for her, and horrible about the divorce.  Today?  I'm glad the divorce papers are on some judge's desk, and that she is thousands of miles away.  If she only knew how easy it would be to drive me insane with guilt, yet she can't help herself with some of her behaviors that reinforce the idea that divorce was the least worst option.

That's her greatest gift to me.

So I called the cell phone provider, and she only needs to call/walk-in and everything is already set-up.  She'll get her own account, I'll save a ton over the next year ($50/mo, and no early termination fee), and she has no access to the information in my account.

Win, win.

Gomez

[gomez_addams]

So getting ready to wrap up my second week of freedom from the stbx uBPDw.

Yesterday I had some pangs of guilt.  I know that will happen from time to time.  In fact, my homework from my T is focused on finding out where my (overly large) sense of guilt comes from.

We're in the process of splitting up the cell phones.  She'll come off my plan, and get her own.  The process doesn't involve her getting superuser status and being able to see the bill, yet she requested I provide her such access so she can move her phone to a new plan.

I suspect she wants the superuser status so that she can access the bill to find my imaginary non-existent affair partner.  About six weeks ago she requested all the passwords so she could "check the data plan and save us a few bucks"... .Riiiiiight.  Just as we're about to divorce, and she's focused like a laser on finding evidence of my (non-existent) affair, she wants to save a couple bucks on the phone bill.

It's stuff like this that really helps me get through the guilt.  Yesterday I felt sorry for her, and horrible about the divorce.  Today?  I'm glad the divorce papers are on some judge's desk, and that she is thousands of miles away.  If she only knew how easy it would be to drive me insane with guilt, yet she can't help herself with some of her behaviors that reinforce the idea that divorce was the least worst option.

That's her greatest gift to me.

So I called the cell phone provider, and she only needs to call/walk-in and everything is already set-up.  She'll get her own account, I'll save a ton over the next year ($50/mo, and no early termination fee), and she has no access to the information in my account.

Win, win.

Gomez

[gomez_addams]

Side note: on a positive note, I didn't get ramped up about the request for access.  I simply didn't respond to the text messages, called the provider a few hours later when I had a few free moments, and sent a BIFF e-mail.

I'm not sure it gets easier... .I think we get better at handling things.  Six weeks ago I nearly had a heart attack at the idea of her getting the phone bill and calling every number to interrogate folks.  My heart was racing so bad that I felt like I just stepped off a treadmill.

Gomez