Lost & Numb

[brokenbyspouse]

Hello,

I need your help. I have been married to the same man for 31 years. This man is attentive, loving, supportive, works hard in his career. In June 2013 I discovered he had had 3 affairs over the course of our marriage. He lies, has no self-esteem, tells me I said things I did not say. Interrupts people when they are talking. Uses the words I'm sorry like you say hello. In the process of 2 years of therapy no one has ever even mentioned he may be or is a narcissist. I happened to stumble across this info on my own. He seems to fit some of the profile. But, not all traits. He works, cooks, cleans, does laundry, etc... .I have discovered that he has this great need to take care of me or nurture me during bad times or sickness. Please, someone help me. I am so confused. I want to save my marriage. I just don't know how. He admits that something is wrong with him. He is willing to do therapy. He confided in me the other day that he has no real desire to be around anyone other than me. Has no real empathy for anyone other than me. Sunday will be 2 weeks since I have seen him cry and open up to me that something is wrong with him. I know I am rambling and all over the place. But, I feel like I am in a nightmare and can't wake up.

Married 31 years

Together 35

2 adult children

3 grandchildren

Thank you all so very much.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

 

Welcome to the forums!

I can really relate to a lot of your story. It is confusing when they seem so wonderful and great yet there is still something missing.

One of the things you can do is start reading through the lessons. You can find them down the right side of the forum.

Whether your husband has BPD or something else, the tools will still be very helpful. I have been married to my husband for 17 years. When I would try to voice my complaints about him to people, they would look at me like I was crazy because he can be so awesome at times. Oh, your husband does x, y, and z, what are you complaining about? I got that a lot at one time. Then, I started picking out the bad things and pinpointing them and when I would talk about that, it sounded abusive. It is maddening to try to explain the situation to others.

I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

[formflier]

Brokenbyspouse,

I'm glad you found us.   I read you post and I'm convinced we can help you and your r/s (relationship).

He is willing to do therapy. 

Are either of you in therapy right now?  Any MC (marriage counselor/therapy)?

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

FF