Daughter did me a Favor

[AVR1962]

28 years after her dad left and all this chaos started my daughter finally did me a favor. After recent family hardship that I posted about previously I tried to have contact with daughter but she would not reply to email or pick up her phone. Today I noticed she, her husband and her children took me off their FaceBook friends' list. I was a little shocked at first but I see now as a big favor. I can finally step away. My life has practically been ruined by all her lies and backstabbing. It is now time for her to stand on her own two feet and figure life out for herself.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

AVR1962,

It is very painful when family members stop talking to us or acknowledge our presence. Even having her lie and backstab you, the severance out of her life must still be very painful. You mention that you felt shocked, and then began to feel that this might be something that allows you to step away. I imagine your feelings will be up and down as this reality settles in, and you may grieve it in different ways over time.

And your D may change her mind, it does happen. How would you feel about that?

[AVR1962]

AVR1962,

It is very painful when family members stop talking to us or acknowledge our presence. Even having her lie and backstab you, the severance out of her life must still be very painful. You mention that you felt shocked, and then began to feel that this might be something that allows you to step away. I imagine your feelings will be up and down as this reality settles in, and you may grieve it in different ways over time.

And your D may change her mind, it does happen. How would you feel about that?

I have a feeling she will be back as soon as she needs someone to talk to and support her. More than likely when she gets mad at her bio father over something. This time it has to be different though. In the past I have offered to do joint counseling sessions with her so I can hear what she needs to tell me and we can get help for our relationship togtehr and she is not interested. There will have to be some talking this time though. She is going to have to come to some resolution in her life rather than seeking to blame me.

[Rapt Reader]

I'm sorry for all of the trauma and stress your family has been going through with your daughter, AVR1962... .My own son, who is now 38, was diagnosed with BPD in April of 2013, and before his diagnosis and treatment for it, life was pretty traumatic and stressful for our family, too.

Now that you are getting a breather from her being there with you (for a bit), I think something that you might consider is checking out all of the links to the right-hand side of this page. THE LESSONS and the TOOLS would be very interesting to you, and could make your time with your daughter easier when you are with her again. Learning how her mind works, and how to communicate with her in a way that stops the hamster wheel of stress with her, would be valuable knowledge for the future (whenever she comes back).

These links, below, have been particularly important to my relationship with my own BPD son (and other members of my family), making things much better between us:

TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth

How do we become more empathetic to the pwBPD in our life?

I encourage you to check out this information while you have a little bit of peace and calm from the storm... .I know that it's helped me to do that during my own little patches of peace in the past (things are actually going quite well for my family, and has been, for quite awhile now   ).

[AVR1962]

I'm sorry for all of the trauma and stress your family has been going through with your daughter, AVR1962... .My own son, who is now 38, was diagnosed with BPD in April of 2013, and before his diagnosis and treatment for it, life was pretty traumatic and stressful for our family, too.

Now that you are getting a breather from her being there with you (for a bit), I think something that you might consider is checking out all of the links to the right-hand side of this page. THE LESSONS and the TOOLS would be very interesting to you, and could make your time with your daughter easier when you are with her again. Learning how her mind works, and how to communicate with her in a way that stops the hamster wheel of stress with her, would be valuable knowledge for the future (whenever she comes back).

These links, below, have been particularly important to my relationship with my own BPD son (and other members of my family), making things much better between us:

TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth

How do we become more empathetic to the pwBPD in our life?

I encourage you to check out this information while you have a little bit of peace and calm from the storm... .I know that it's helped me to do that during my own little patches of peace in the past (things are actually going quite well for my family, and has been, for quite awhile now   ).

Rapt Reader, thank you! I will check out the links. I have also ordered a book that I saw suggested as well.

[Rapt Reader]

Rapt Reader, thank you! I will check out the links. I have also ordered a book that I saw suggested as well.

That's great 

Which book is it that you've ordered (just because I'm nosey   )?