super intuitive

[specialized]

Has anyone else ever noticed how unbelievably intuitive theirBPD wife Is? Like scary intuitive.?

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[waverider]

Has anyone else ever noticed how unbelievably intuitive theirBPD wife Is? Like scary intuitive.?

They are hyper sensitive, and suspicious, like anyone who lives with anxiety or paranoia issues. Unfortunately they misinterpret what they see. but yes they do pick up when something is "off".

They are also very good at selling their interpretations.

[Wrongturn1]

Mine can be super-intuitive, but more often, she's just incorrect and weaves her own distorted views into her perceptions of situations.  Even a broken clock is right twice per day! 

[ReclaimingMyLife]

My ex was amazingly perceptive and articulate. He often could tell me what was going on with me better than I could.  Unfortunately his "smarts" in this regard led me to believe he was often right about other areas when he wasn't.  I was easily confused (or let myself be easily confused) and doubted myself a lot because he was could be so on-point.

Disclaimer:  as I write that I find myself wondering if he was as perceptive and articulate as I gave him credit for.  Maybe not!  Probably worth revisiting my assumptions/conclusions.  

[specialized]

hey thanks guys

turned out the intuition was actually a covertly placed tape recorder so she could listen to who i called while i was in my car. which she listened to and then she decided what i was inferring in my conversation.of course she was way off but theres no other explanation since she already has it all figured out( as usual).

footnote: i have never seen the tape recorder and she of course wouldnt admit to it but the more i pressed her for info what she told me was so accurate that there was no other way ... .and its not the first time.

[rotiroti]

hey thanks guys

turned out the intuition was actually a covertly placed tape recorder so she could listen to who i called while i was in my car. which she listened to and then she decided what i was inferring in my conversation.of course she was way off but theres no other explanation since she already has it all figured out( as usual).

footnote: i have never seen the tape recorder and she of course wouldnt admit to it but the more i pressed her for info what she told me was so accurate that there was no other way ... .and its not the first time.

Wait what?

So you saw this tape recorder? And what do you mean that it's not the first time?

[globalnomad]

Mine is super intuitive too. A lot of our conflicts have been about me telling a small white lie (usually to avoid another pointless conflict) and her picking up on it - and then accusing me of being a pathological liar, etc... .

[Wrongturn1]

Yeah, modern electronic recording devices can be really small, activated by sound, and can store hours upon hours of recordings.  So it would be entirely plausible that she bugged your car.  That type of thing would be consistent with BPD paranoia.

[waverider]

An ability to recall minute details, yet requote them completly out of context (as their memory does not store them in context), means that their "version" of something sounds more crystal clear than your version which may be in context but fuzzy on the details, makes it easy for them to surplant their reality over yours, as it "sounds' more accurate.

A pwBPDs context is a product of now not that of memory. Making the telling sound more relevant

[ReclaimingMyLife]

An ability to recall minute details, yet requote them completly out of context (as their memory does not store them in context), means that their "version" of something sounds more crystal clear than your version which may be in context but fuzzy on the details, makes it easy for them to surplant their reality over yours, as it "sounds' more accurate.

A pwBPDs context is a product of now not that of memory. Making the telling sound more relevant

Wow, waverider, that really speaks to me.  His "version" did sound much clearer than mine.  My memory is shoddy anyway.  His definitely seemed clearer to begin with... .add to it rage and intense emotion... .result was me seriously doubting myself and not accqueising to his "version" enough.  Shoot, add his persistence to the equation and I was up the creek without a paddle!

[specialized]

Once again, Waverider , you totally nailed it. Your reply would sound confusing almost like a Chinese proverb to someone unfamiliar with BPD . But we bpdfamily  people  can see what you said as simply part of life.  Thanks  for making me feel not alone.

[waverider]

Once again, Waverider , you totally nailed it. Your reply would sound confusing almost like a Chinese proverb to someone unfamiliar with BPD . But we bpdfamily  people  can see what you said as simply part of life.  Thanks  for making me feel not alone.

I think of memories like libraries, we file away complete volumes. pwBPD file away cut and paste quotes and photographs, without keeping the texts together.

Hence when they want to validate or express a feeling of the moment, it is almost like hitting a search button, bringing up instantly a collection of suitable quotes and pictures they can copy and paste into a whole new editorial to prove their point.

A bit like newspapers have library photos of celebs and so they pick one of them in mid yawn and use it to illustrate a current story about them being angry. Anyone reading it is non the wiser.

We all know newspaper articles are rubbish, but we believe them when we want to as they are skillfully assembled, and there's 5 year old photos of the angry celeb to prove what he did yesterday it right?

[SummerStorm]

My former friend BPD calls herself an "analyzer."  She can be very intuitive and could make things sound so logical.  I guess I would also call myself an "analyzer."  She told me her boyfriend is an idealist who is oblivious to everything around him.  I guess that's why he's still around and I'm not.  She was starting to realize that I was starting to see through her BS.

Of course, because she also has narcissistic traits, she's also convinced that everything she says is the truth because she just knows everything about everything.  She drove my car once and told me that the front brakes were going bad.  I just had it inspected.  The front brakes are great. 

Once, she sent me a Buzzfeed article about asexuality because she was convinced that I am asexual.  She read all of the comments in the article and then said, ":)oesn't that sound like you?"  Because I am 29 and was still a virgin at the time, she was convinced that I'm asexual.  And yes, some of the things did apply to me, but so do some BPD traits, and I'm far from being BPD.  She had a hard time really looking at the big picture. 

[specialized]

yes so true true true

my BPDw is always taking things out of context. and yes everything she remembers that i have said or done is used anytime she feels like recalling it to prove a point in a totally unrelated manner. Waverunner is right on. my wife carries a bag of snipped memories ( which she uses to relate to what she sees as my invalidating behavior happening over and over again - which doesnt actually happen).

I think partially its a fear of being worthless for her because for some reason unknown to me she doesnt like herself or doesnt view herself as "worthy". She looks to our relationship to give her "worthyness".

when paranoia strikes or i say or do the wrong thing she sees it as the whole relationship is worthless therefore she is worthless and i made her feel that way ( thats how she feels - her reality)

then when i reinforce my emotional boundaries and she thinks about her reaction- be it verbal abuse or throwing something etc... - she feels bad ( although its still my fault that she reacted that way in her eyes). when she feels bad she hates herself more and when she hates herself she then feels like everyone is hating her.

so when i try to approach with tenderness - to give a hug or kiss and say i know we are both upset but i still love you ... .she always responds with "why are you doing this?" because deep down she always feels worthless and if i reach out she thinks i am using her for my own selfish reasons (which i am not)

this begins the talk about how she feels and how i feel and then spirals out of control as those little bits of memory pop up as examples what a terrible person i have been to her ( which i am not)... .(insert twilight zone theme here or the song 'crazy train'

[waverider]

I think partially its a fear of being worthless for her because for some reason unknown to me she doesnt like herself or doesnt view herself as "worthy". She looks to our relationship to give her "worthyness".

when paranoia strikes or i say or do the wrong thing she sees it as the whole relationship is worthless therefore she is worthless and i made her feel that way ( thats how she feels - her reality)

Catastrophizing and neurosis

then when i reinforce my emotional boundaries and she thinks about her reaction- be it verbal abuse or throwing something etc... - she feels bad ( although its still my fault that she reacted that way in her eyes). when she feels bad she hates herself more and when she hates herself she then feels like everyone is hating her.

so when i try to approach with tenderness - to give a hug or kiss and say i know we are both upset but i still love you ... .she always responds with "why are you doing this?" because deep down she always feels worthless and if i reach out she thinks i am using her for my own selfish reasons (which i am not)

Projection

this begins the talk about how she feels and how i feel and then spirals out of control as those little bits of memory pop up as examples what a terrible person i have been to her ( which i am not)... .(insert twilight zone theme here or the song 'crazy train'

Using faulty recollection to self validate the invalid

[specialized]

its very hard to stay grounded when you are dealing with the topsy turvy. its exhausting having to think about using the "right" language every time you open your mouth. and twice as exhausting if you dont think first and then catch hell for grinning while you listen to why you are a ass. 

does anyone know... .do your BPD sig others ever tell you about their childhood traumatic experiences? and would it help us to know them?

[waverider]

its exhausting having to think about using the "right" language every time you open your mouth... .

... .and twice as exhausting if you dont think first and then catch hell for grinning while you listen to why you are a ass.

Easier if you think about not using the wrong language. That way you are not tempted to say too much. Not invalidating is easier than trying to validate everything

Dont listen to why you are a "ass". It is hard to stay neutral.

[specialized]

And there it is ... .if I don't change things will stay the same...

that's me alright  always trying to be the good guy.   When I was a kid there was th I s magazine called "highlights"  and in the magazine we a cartoon called goofus and gallant.  Goofus was the bad boy and gallant was the good boy and it was always a comparison about the wrong way to do something and theright way . I Am always trying to show that I did do it the right way.  Anything and everything... .I will think about how to do something then do it then explain that I did it that way because that's the right way.  I think sometimes I have been more of a goofus when I was dealing with the Bpd issues.  Waverider you have been very helpful to me god bless you.