Losing my family

[EddieM]

Hello, my name is Eddie and I am codependent.

I am convinced my wife has BPD, everything I have read about it screams her behaviour and her fears.  A psychiatrist of mine suggested it but she has not been diagnosed herself.  I fear to bring it  up - the reaction would be anger.

We have a turbulent relationship which I have largely emotionally withdrawn from over the past couple of years.  We keep trying to start again but all best intentions end up being unsustainable.

We have an amazing 3  year old daughter who is the principle focus of each of us

This week my wife and daughter are away visiting her family in her home country.  We had another huge argument before she left and she now says (via text message) that's it, we're done.  I am hugely fearful and sad that she is going to stay away (she has no ties or work where we live now) and keep our daughter away from me.

I have read more on BPD this week than I ever have before and found this site very useful.  I also found the high conflict couple book that I believe could be the last chance for us and have suggested it to her as a new option, without mentioning BPD (as the book doesn't).

It seems she is too far gone in her decision and says I should have found it earlier, I had my chance.

I have told her I will never abandon her or give up on her whatever the situation between us in an effort to show unconditional love but it's not enough for her - she certainly doesn't want to be near me so that's not much of an attractive commitment for her.

I am so terrified to lose my family, I have bathed and put my daughter to bed nearly every night of her life and now face having her living in another country.  I admit if it were not for my daughter I would stop fighting because I am tired of the conflict but I want to fight to the last breath to give her a chance to grow up in a stable environment (not pretending how it has been so far is that!).  I am also scared that my daughter could be badly affected by being single parented by someone with BPD although I watch my wife being an excellent mother a lot of the time.

My wife is fearful to come back, she expects more conflict and has no support options here.  I appreciate those fears but would also feel like my daughter has been abducted.

I would love any advice.  How to approach it.  Any nuggets that I haven't thought of.  What it would feel like for someone with BPD.  What she would like to hear from me.  Anyone who has gone through a similar situation.

Thanks in advance, Eddie

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi Eddie,

Welcome to the 'Boards'.

You sound very frightened about what the future holds. And, I'm not surprised, it sounds like life has been a challenge for some time for both you and your wife.

I am fortunate that I am not married to my BPD significant other and my children were the issue of a former marriage. That does mean that I can't imagine what it would be like to be in your situation and don't really have any experience I can share with you, but I really feel for you and wanted to say 'Hi'.

Lifewriter