Married manic asked me father a child, how to let her down and validate

[naguma]

Never thought I'd ask this.

Let me start by saying I am a disfunction magnet and it seems as though the worst comes out. Ex was BPD. A friend found out I was leaving because of my exBPD, friend is bipolar. She not so subtly asked me to father a child before I go. Problem is she is married. However, her husband is sterile. She is desperate to have a male child of her own(she has a daughter).

I figure she is having abandonment issues due to me leaving. Her husband seems like an ok guy though a bit destroyed. Prefer not to cause more issues for them. How to let her down without invalidating or cause more problems for them? Is there anything to say to him to get him on the right page?

Part of the move is to "reinvent" myself as a normal person, last thing needed is an estranged child. Yes, the white knight syndrome is showing here so please avoid that(I want to help them both)... .

She has probably cheated before - maybe anyways, but her husband is as oblivious as I use to be. Advice? To say I am lost as to what to do is an understatement. Should I simply try to avoid her until the move? It would be nice to be her friend though maybe dissociation from dysfunctional people is best at this point.

I do find her attractive and she is fully aware, but Lord it would be nice to see normal women that way and for them to respond that way. Hence the move.

So, yeah. Odd stuff this. There is roughly a day to figure this out. She wants to see me tomorrow before I leave.

(Projection and all that, let's just say she promised me she wouldn't sue me for child support. That was the point when subtle went to being not so subtle.).

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pallavirajsinghani]

We have two adopted children.  There are other ways to have a child... .sperm bank is another.

Please DONOT get sucked into this.

[naguma]

I avoided her today. So she wants to see me tomorrow.

I fear if I ignore her until I leave she will do something manic. The husband doesn't deserve that. It would be nice to find a solution that keeps her calm and avoids any children.