Walking alone

[never_flinch]

Yeah... hey there, don't really know what to say, where to start, or even what I need right now. My mom ... .oh goodness ... .I haven't seen actual "videos" of a BPD Mom in action, but I am quite sure that my mom would be a star player in that movie. My mom has BPD behavioral tendencies... piled on top of BPD traits, piled on top of BPD projected qualities, mixed with a heaping spoonful of severe "being adopted" emotional trauma and topped with a steady flow of volatile lifestyle cherries (I was going to say nuts,  but my usual using humor as a coping method, only goes sop far)

So yeah... .I am a 30 female and I am 99% sure that I also have BPD... .but I have more awareness of it... .as I discovered BPD on google tonight after fiddling with different key words to use...

I'm lost right now, I can't talk to my mom about looking for ways of managing/gauging this... .I have a half brother... .can't talk to him... .he is almost as bad as mom with this kind of thing... .And yah... that's it, no other family.

I'm not sure anything right yet can help... I need to research this more, maybe look into local support groups. Something has to change, I don't want to be part of that statistic.

[Panda39]

Hi never_flinch,

Welcome to the BPD Family 

I quite like your sense of humor 

I know having a person with BPD in your life is hard.   I come at it from a slightly different angle my SO (Significant Other) has an uBPDxw (undiagnosed BPD ex-wife) and yes she can wreak havoc in our lives just like your mom can in yours.

I want you to know that you are not walking alone, you've found us  and we are all walking a similar journey with you.  Trying to understand BPD, learning coping skills, learning communication skills, learning to let go of some things, learning about ourselves and how we can sometimes contribute to the problem etc.  I hope you continue to join in the conversation.  I bet the first thing you notice is how much all of us have in common.

I wanted to point out the box to the right filled with links to additional information ------------------------------------------------->

You might want to start with the "Lessons" link just as a way to get started.  I have pulled this link from the "Understanding the Effects of Growing up in a BPD Environment" https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=55406.msg508796#msg508796

The link relates to your comment about being "99% sure you have BPD".  None of us here can diagnose you or anyone else with BPD but my guess is if you are here asking questions about BPD and questioning if you have it you most likely don't.  There is a lot of shame that comes with having BPD and from my experience most people with it are in denial.

There are many books on the subject of BPD.  When I first found out about it I hit my local library and read everything I could to get a good base understanding of BPD.  We have a board that is strictly book reviews if you want to check that out here is the link to that board

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=33.0 three books that you might find helpful are Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason MS and Randi Kreger, Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change by Valerie Porr and finally Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson.

I'm glad you found us I know you will find support, understanding and encouragement among the members here.  I know other members will add there welcome to mine shortly.

Take Care,

Panda39

[Confused#2]

 

I had a uBPDmother and sis.  I think anyone growing up with a parent who is BPD has a lot of healing. We may at times think we are also BPD because we learned some of these behaviors as we grew up. I think I have seen this referred to as "having flies" on this site. Soo do not diagnosis yourself too quickly. You are in the first steps of recovery and although I have only been on this site for about a week (?) I find it very helpful. Good luck with your journey. Compassion for yourself is soo important. AND believe me HUMOR is a life raft sometimes. Catch a ride whenever it floats by!

[never_flinch]

Thank you both for you responses ... .I am currently still reading/re-reading your posts and letting it absorb into my system... .I am next going to delve into the links of information and will report back here if and when i have questions if that's okay.

Question: Should I tell my mom that I think she has this? I don't really know what to do about that.

[Confused#2]

Hi

Should you tell your mother that you that you think she is BPD?  I maybe too new to this to give good advice but what good would this do? For what purpose? Has she asked you?  I would concentrate on learning the skills which you could use in stress relationship no matter the diagnosis it seems. I would also concentrate on stabilizing your emotions and healing.  Just my thoughts. Hope others give their opinions since I would really like to know too. 

[Panda39]

Hi never_flinch,

Typically we don't recommend confronting a person with a diagnosis, we really aren't qualified to make a diagnosis only a qualified professional who has met with your mom can do that. If you did tell her can you guess what her reaction would be?  Would telling her be productive?  Will it change things?

I suggest learning more about BPD and some tools that can help when you interact with your mom.

Can you give us a description of your family who does it include? Do you still live at home or on your own?  Can you give some examples of your mom's behaviors that make you think she might have BPD?  How does she interact with you and your other family members.  :)oes she treat you and your step-brother differently for example?

I'm just trying to get a better idea of what your up against so I and other members can help.  

Look forward to hearing more of your story.

Panda39