NewLady
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1
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« on: December 04, 2015, 07:47:23 AM » |
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Hello,
I'm C, as I mentioned above, I'm 28 and rent a two bedroom condo that I share with my boyfriend of 8.5 years(also, 28), my brother who is 21, and my mother, who is 47. My father passed away unexpectedly 2.5 years ago after a short battle with cancer. My mom and brother were financially dependent on my dad but my boyfriend and I were living in a 1 bedroom apt near my job. When they lost their apartment, which actually happened 2 months prior to my father's illness, I allow them to come live with me. Mom takes the living room couch, and my brother and I shared a room, my boyfriend stopped sleeping there to make them more comfortable. 2 months later, Dad gets sick, quickly get a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis, he packs up his stuff and also moves into my place sleeping on an air mattress in the living room. Not ideal, but we were together.
At this point in my parents relationship my mom was fed up with my dad's drinking, she treated him like garbage. He, for some reason, was still in love with her even though she was a complete nightmare. Getting angry/annoyed at him for sneezing, vomiting, being in her area. She complained about his bed every time she walked past, left the slider open while smoking on the patio and basically blowing it into the house. She still does this at our new place, drives us all bonkers. She stole so much of his medication, pain pills, that we would have to take my dad to urgent care for new prescriptions because he couldn't wait for the refill to be valid. She also rubbed it in his face that she is now having sexual relations with our ex-neighbor, who is 10 years younger than her and freshly out of jail, bankrupcy/foreclosure and his first marriage.
I was disgusted by her behavior and told his brothers and sisters, they were horrified and immediately pooled enough money for 3 tickets to North Carolina. My brother and I went with our Dad to his mom's house, he also has a sister there. My grandma already had a room set up for him and Dr. appointments set up. She was treating him, how he deserved to be treated, and he seemed to bounce back being out there. I left after a week thinking he was doing remarkably well. My brother stayed behind, I had a job that paid our rent so I had to go home.
About 4-5 days later, my brother calls, he says get down here now, Dad's not doing well he's in ICU and it's bad. I fly back out with my boyfriend and by the time I get there, he's doing and looking a lot better from what my brother tells me. Later that week, his hospice nurse says he's going to go this week. I didn't believe him, he was walking about the house without his oxygen, eating popsicles galor and even staying up late to watch movies. Friday the 13th, the hospice nurse was right, and it wasn't how you'd want your parent to go, peaceful in their sleep.
My dad had gone to the bathroom and we noticied he was talking a long time and we heard him have a couple hard coughs, my brother and I go to check on him and he is coming out of the bathroom and his mouth is full of blood, and he looks scared/confused, Immediately run to tell my grandma to call 911, I ran back to the room and see my boyfriend helping my dad fall to the floor, he lays on his side while blood seeps out of his mouth, I held him and rubbed his back and told him that I loved him very much and it was ok to go. I held him until he stopped breathing, then reality hit and it was so painful.
My dad and I were close when I was a kid, then they had my brother when I was 7. He kinda ditched me for my brother, which is mostly fine, I had friends I was with all the time. He pushed me away more when I started going through puberty and then we would argue a lot. I was a depressed, angry teenager and I dated guys with dog collars and mohawks, skipped school often, was using drugs, I had gotten arrested and suspended from school my first week of high school, I was on a first name basis with our vice principal, he called me sunshine. I failed classes on purpose and generally had a bad attitutde.
I graduate and start working retail right away, I date domestic violence guy for 3 years, after 3 years with dog collar guy. June of 2007 I take a temp job at an insurance company, I start seeing my current boyfriend. The insurance company hires me on and promotes me, pays for me to get licensed and I'm still working there, M-F 40 hours a week. My parents lose their rental house the next year, Josh and I rent a room, my mom lives in her car until getting a caregiving job that included her living in a guest house, she was in the car for about 2 months. My dad and brother moved to a camper on my uncles property, they commuted 50 miles to school/work 5 days a week.
During this time, I live independently, learn how to build my credit, manage finances, my outlook and demeanor vastly improve over the years and my relationship with my dad improves, but we still had some unresolved issues that I would have liked the oppurtunity to resolve.
The morning of the day my dad passed away, he changed him life insurance and removed my mom as beneficiary and put down myself and my brother, he was very back and forth about giving her something. In the end he said that we can deciede, I suggested that we split the $100k 3 ways equal, so nobody feels like they got the shaft. He agrees at the time. Once the money comes, I give her $16ishk, my brother changes his mind and keeps it all. This triggered months of fighting, she would tell anybody and everybody that her son owes her, but won't pay. She even tries to corner him into buying a car, and $60k worth of dental implants, he calls me both times and I tell him to leave asap. This while we are sharing a 1 bed/1 bath apt, my boyfriend starts sleeping over again, and this arrangement went on for 1 yr 5 mo.
My mom started working less since she had money in the bank and so she burns some bridges with some of her agencies. When she goes through all of the money and is scrambling to find work so she can pay the $300/mo rent she agreed to pay when moving in, she can't get work and misses a few months of rent. Since I'm the only one paying the bills I feel I have full reign to do as I please. I come home late with a couple friends, and kick her out of the living room and into the bed room so we can hang out. She goes absolutely ballistic and I have to remind her that she has been living for free and she will have to deal with my behavior because 99% of the time, I play by her rules.
Our rent was $1240, and I also paid all the utilities: water/sewer, cable, electric, insurance and my numerous credit card bills. She pays for their cell phones and car insurance. Their insurance is cheap, cause I work at a broker. My brother and boyfriend were also unemployed at the time. Everybody was depressed, no privacy, fighting all the time. I find a 2 bed/2 bath with a 2 car garage. My brother was paying to store my dads tools and his dirtbikes at an out of town storage facility. The rent at this place is about $150 more, but then we can eliminate storage payment of $150. My boyfriend was working at the time, and my brother agreed to pay me $150/mo. My mom insists on trying to pay for the original apartment by herself, we move out. My brother then tells me that the payment he made to the storage facility was the last of his money. My boyfriend gets fired from his job out of the blue 3 weeks after moving in.
My mom couldn't afford the apartment, big surprise, and since the boys failed me, I allowed her to come back to my couch at our bigger place, she still just pays $300. Things were uncomfortably tight money-wise, so April of this year I took a weekend job at CVS. I usually work Fri, Sat, and Sun, 13-20 hrs a week. Now I'm working seven days a week regularly to support a household full of bums. I feel completely taken advantage of, I feel betrayed that the people I keep the closest allow me to burn myself out supporting them and then when I do burn out and get depressed, anxious, missing work, laying in bed all day, not eating and dropping weight, She loudly talks crap about me with my brother's friends, or sarcastically apologized for delivering bad news when we received a notice our water would be shut off if we didn't pay. She has 0 appreciation that I have kept her from being homeless or living in a car, and then she acts like she owns the place, pays all the bills and we are the ones inconvieniancing her.
Obviously, none of my relationships are in the right place right now, but the one causing me stress is my mom, she is constantly judging and critisizing everybody. I don't like confrontation, I don't like yelling, I just want to chill when I'm home and I feel like I can't relax with her around.
I want to finally choose me, and do what's best for me, but I feel sort of stuck because I don't know where she will find housing, you can't even rent a room where we live for less than $500 and I fear she will be difficult to remove from the premises since she has lived here for a year now and is quite settled in. She terrorizes every resident of this household, seems crazy to try and make her happy while we're all miserable.
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