Introduction

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I didn't understand my childhood at first until I got into therapy and described it and the struggles I was going through myself including anorexia, depression, and anxiety. Then when BPD was mentioned I began doing research, reading books, etc. and it all fit. That was my mother. That was my childhood. With my father being the one watching from the sidelines.

Recently less than three months ago I wrote a letter to my mother having to cut off contact for at least a while because I would get ripped to shreds when she calls/visits/etc. I haven't spoke to her since then. I just couldn't handle the suicide threats, the ripping me apart, pushing me into anorexia instead of recovery.

I'm just distraught because I'm terrified I'm going to be her. Become her.

[maddnessreturns]

I didn't understand my childhood at first until I got into therapy and described it and the struggles I was going through myself including anorexia, depression, and anxiety. Then when BPD was mentioned I began doing research, reading books, etc. and it all fit. That was my mother. That was my childhood. With my father being the one watching from the sidelines.

Recently less than three months ago I wrote a letter to my mother having to cut off contact for at least a while because I would get ripped to shreds when she calls/visits/etc. I haven't spoke to her since then. I just couldn't handle the suicide threats, the ripping me apart, pushing me into anorexia instead of recovery.

I'm just distraught because I'm terrified I'm going to be her. Become her.

[tenacity]

Hi maddnessreturns   and welcome. This place is AMAZING for helping to get through all of this. 

Isn't it wild when you finally have a name for all that you have been through and it starts to make a tiny bit of sense? In one way it is a huge relief to know that it actually wasn't all your fault... .but then the healing begins which can be very rewarding yet confusing at the same time!

My situation was very similar. Mom was the pd and dad was basically a silent partner with her.

Good for you for setting a very strong boundary while you came to grips with everything you are learning and working to heal from. That took a lot of courage to draw a line like that and focus on your own self care.

I do think most of us feel that way and it scares us to death. And we might even see some traits in ourselves here and there, but one big thing is the fact that we worry about becoming them or think about that at all. They wouldn't do that. They see everyone else as the problem. Also cptsd can have some similar symptoms to BPD and that can be pretty scary. The difference is we have a conscience and really do care about how we treat others, where they do not. 

[Kwamina]

Hi maddnessreturns

You've already gained some very important insights about your childhood, your parents and yourself. Therapy has been helping you understand your childhood and personal struggles. How are you currently managing your anorexia, depression and anxiety?

You wrote your mother a letter to cut off contact. You haven't spoken to her since, but did she perhaps give you a written response to this letter?

I can very much relate to your fears of becoming just like your mother. Many children of BPD parents actually notice certain BPD-like traits in themselves. This doesn't necessarily have to mean they have BPD though. Often it are learned unhealthy behaviors, things we learned or copied from our BPD parent. It can also be certain less than constructive coping mechanisms that might have served us well as a child but not so well in our adult lives. Fortunately these learned unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms can also be unlearned or at least better managed through hard work such as the work you are doing now in therapy and on here

Are there perhaps any traits in particular that you recognize in yourself that concern you? For more about this subject I encourage you to look at this thread:

Recognizing and dealing with our own unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms

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