I think my sister in law has BPD

[Erica37]

I think my 37 year old sister in law has BPD. Her behaviour has been "bizarre" since I met her six years ago. She will become angry at nothing and will stomp around and yell like a 13 year old. She thinks that everything that happens is done to intentionally hurt/exclude her (i.e. she accused my husband of letting the air out of her tires this morning). She has a teenage son who disclosed to my husband (her brother) and myself what she has done to him for as long as he can remember. In our opinion it is abuse (emotional/mental and verbal). They live with my mother in law who refuses to acknowledge her daughter's behaviour and will avoid all conversations about it. Recently there has been involvement from child protective services because he left and moved in with a friend. My husband has confronted her on several occasions (including this morning) and has told her that she needs therapy and that she is abusive towards her son. We live in another province and feel like our hands are tied in this situation. We have offered to have her son live with us but understandingly he doesn't want to leave his friends. We don't know how to help this situation and I am very concerned about my nephew.

Thank you

[Pilate]

Welcome, Erica 37. From your post, the fact that your nephew is sharing his experiences with you is huge. If you and your husband can be a validating and supportive presence for your presence, this is helpful for your nephew. If CPS is also aware of your sister-in-law, then your nephew is on the radar as is your sister-in-law. If your nephew knows that you will open your home to him that is probably a relief and feeling of safety--someone else knows that what he is experiencing is not right and you know his mom's parenting and behaviors are not healthy.

It is understandable that he wants to stay where his friends are--he's a teen. Can you keep communication open with him? Let him know that you support him and that you are available to him when he needs help or just wants to talk--your care, concern, and love are not conditional the way his mom's is. Being able to talk to someone who will listen and validate what he is going through--not minimize his mom's or grandmother's behavior--can be a significant benefit to your nephew's well being.

Have you looked at some of the tools on family dynamics or validation? Learning about validation can help you with your nephew--validate his feelings and model some communication tools that can help him.

Keep posting and asking questions. There are many valuable resources and caring members here to listen to you and share their journeys with you.