Inferno I know your advice is the correct path and outwardly I am doing everything to achieve this. No contact. Starting my own therapy next week. Staying close to family and friends. Keeping it quiet. But there is an inward battle going on. And on. Will it stop? When?
Yes it will stop, i can promise you that, as for when, i honestly can't answer that, it's a long process.
For me it went in stages (this is an overview although there were recycles in between, generally my progress was linear)
1-2 months post breakup: BAD, dillusional, praying she'd come back, looking out of the window if i heard a car pull up thinking it'd be her etc
2-4 months: still bad, start making some small progress, still confused but able to sleep/eat better
4-6 months: some improvement, start to have some enjoyment in life again
6-8 months: good improvement, coming to terms with my own issues, starting to have some hope for the future
8 months-2 years: continual slow improvement, eradicated most of my codependency traits, made major improvments to my lifestyle and self worth, feel the best about myself that i ever have etc.
I
still miss her and think about her almost every day, I
still wish that things could have worked out, but i've fully accepted reality at this stage. I'm no longer connected by the codependent bond, i live in reality now, but facts are facts I
did love her and i think from time to time i'll always ponder what if.
So you can see, it can take some time. Therapy is great, the key is to spend as much time as you can on working on you, working on any childhood issues, working on self improvement. These are the keys to speeding up the process, I spent 3-4 months wallowing in self pity at the start, and it did me no favours at all.
A healthy person wouldn't get in a relationship like this, and if they did for some reason, the recovery process would be complete within a few days to a few weeks, so we have to find out why it is that we are so deeply wounded, and reverse engineer the damage from there.
