A letter to a friend

[confounded]

One of the things I've seen recommended when dealing with a BPD relationship is writing letters that are never meant to be sent. This is something like that. Note that our native language isn't English, so some nuances would be different - we are also both involved with the arts, so excuse the slight pretentiousness  



Beloved X,

You suddenly disappeared again from my life, just as I felt we were getting closer than ever. I'm sorry that I pressed you for an answer, but I felt it was something I had to have. You told me that your marriage and your husband were the most important thing to you now, and that you did not wish to cut ties with me completely, but you needed space.

I can understand that - what we had was against social convention, against all you have ever experienced. The relationship between my wife and I had room for you, but your relationship with your husband did not have room for me, and I can see how that would scare you.

But you have had ample opportunity to tell me about it. You could have told me that when I read you the poem I had written about you - but you welcomed it and told me how deeply it touched you, and wondered how a mere woman like you could inspire such intense phrases, such passion. You could have told me when I told you I love you and want you to be a integral part of my life from here to wherever it takes us. But you told me you felt the same.

Were you telling me the truth? Did you just like the attention, or were you scared I would become angry with you if you told me what you really felt? You told me you could not look into my eyes because you saw in them something ancient yet familiar - or were you just averting your gaze out of embarrasment? Were you the same with the woman you told me about, the one you broke up with when it was getting too serious? Did you wait until she fell in love with you before dropping out of her life - like you did with me?

There are so many questions left unanswered as you chose to vanish before the questions could be asked. Was it on purpose, did you wait until you were sure we probably wouldn't see each other again by chance in weeks if not in months or even years? Do you realise how much it hurts, to have someone you opened yourself up to vanish, not by accident of fate, but by their own choosing? I think you do - yet you chose to do it to me.

But I bear you no grudge. The moments we had together were marvellous, and I wouldn't change our past for the world, and I wish we could find those moments again sometime in the future. But it would take a lot of work from the both of us to make this friendship work - a friendship that's deeper, more intimate - than any friendship I've ever experienced before. It seems that this territory of emotion is unknown and scary to you - but I'm sure that together we could manage. If you are willing, please take my hand and we will see where all of this will take us.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.