BPD and infidelity

[KB1968]

I have a situation with a husband with BPD and a resulting affair... .The BPD wasn't diagnosed until the affair was coming to an end but the ensuing time was hell for me and I blamed myself and was blamed at certain points for my husband leaving our family... .Trying to put it all in perspective and figure out where to go from here... .New here and don't know where to really start with understanding all the behaviors that contributed to this... .

Thanks... .

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

welcome KB1968

Sorry to hear this. Infidelity and BPD often go hand in hand. Was it the cause, maybe, maybe not. It would certainly have affected his ability to justify it to himself.

There would most likely have been a lot of smoke and mirrors happening with blame being projected.

We often blame ourselves for not handling the behaviors of pwBPD simply because it is counter intuitive, everything we do seems to make it worse. hopefully by contributing here you can learn more effective ways. In particular the first step is to stop making things worse and learning to more accurately determine, and change, our role in it.

Waverider