How to deal with the anxiety of...

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, Im new here. But I really connected with a few other posts so I wanted to write my own.

Im 23, I met my ex in 2009. We grew up together, were each others first etc. I really thought I would marry him. So here I am 8 years later, feeling like I can't breath.
A little back story. Ex became addicted to drugs, I never got involved I them but I went through some terrible situations because of it. He had legal issues, overdose, wrecks, was hospitalized for two weeks... .saying it was bad was an understatement. I helped him through all of this, rehab, NA, therapy, everything.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2017, he had been clean for a year, but relasped. So I left him. We stayed apart for nearly 4 months. During this time I was a wreck. I didn't sleep. or eat. Im 5'9 and normally 140 lbs, at the end of those 4 months I weighed 110. I was hospitalized for severe dehydration. I honestly wasn't sure if I would make it.

I took him back, I know I know, but he cleaned up again. He had slept with others while we were split tho, and that ate me up inside for awhile.

He has been my only relationship.
Two weeks ago I found drugs again. He said he hadn't been doing them, only selling. But it was enough to put me in danger, and enough to get himself shot over. I made him leave. This breakup hasn't been as hard as the previous. I can still sleep and manage to eat. He just keeps contacting me tho. I have his number blocked. but he makes new ones. I haven't made any social media because I know I will be tempted to search him.
Today he texted, "I have found someone new, but I hope we can be friends" ... .why even say that at all.
I feel like Ive been stabbed in the heart. My anxiety is at an all time high. I know what should do, and thats not let him effect me so bad. But its hard. I just can't wrap my mind around how someone can be so cruel. I don't even know what advice I'm asking for. I just feel alone. I have lost all friends because I through everything into trying to save him. Idk. It feels good to let it out.

[ambz]

Hi, Im new here. But I really connected with a few other posts so I wanted to write my own.

Im 23, I met my ex in 2009. We grew up together, were each others first etc. I really thought I would marry him. So here I am 8 years later, feeling like I can't breath.
A little back story. Ex became addicted to drugs, I never got involved I them but I went through some terrible situations because of it. He had legal issues, overdose, wrecks, was hospitalized for two weeks... .saying it was bad was an understatement. I helped him through all of this, rehab, NA, therapy, everything.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2017, he had been clean for a year, but relasped. So I left him. We stayed apart for nearly 4 months. During this time I was a wreck. I didn't sleep. or eat. Im 5'9 and normally 140 lbs, at the end of those 4 months I weighed 110. I was hospitalized for severe dehydration. I honestly wasn't sure if I would make it.

I took him back, I know I know, but he cleaned up again. He had slept with others while we were split tho, and that ate me up inside for awhile.

He has been my only relationship.
Two weeks ago I found drugs again. He said he hadn't been doing them, only selling. But it was enough to put me in danger, and enough to get himself shot over. I made him leave. This breakup hasn't been as hard as the previous. I can still sleep and manage to eat. He just keeps contacting me tho. I have his number blocked. but he makes new ones. I haven't made any social media because I know I will be tempted to search him.
Today he texted, "I have found someone new, but I hope we can be friends" ... .why even say that at all.
I feel like Ive been stabbed in the heart. My anxiety is at an all time high. I know what should do, and thats not let him effect me so bad. But its hard. I just can't wrap my mind around how someone can be so cruel. I don't even know what advice I'm asking for. I just feel alone. I have lost all friends because I through everything into trying to save him. Idk. It feels good to let it out.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ambz, Welcome!  I'm sorry to hear about all that you've been through, not to mention your recent breakup.  No, you're not alone; many of us here have been through similar destructive relationships, so we get what you're saying and understand the challenge of rebuilding one's life in the aftermath.  You have come to the right place.  One thing I'm unclear about is whether your Ex suffered from BPD?  If so, how did you figure it out about BPD, which is below the radar of most people?  I also wonder whether you have thought about seeing a T to discuss these difficult issues?  Fill us in, when you can.

LuckyJim

[Mutt]

Hi ambz,



Wow you’ve been through a lot. Have you tried to connect with your friends? It depends on the friend and how strong the r/s was but some friends will understand if you just tell them why you couldn’t stay in touch.