Insecurities

[Depression = 72% of members]

i had a full stressful day. foremost was an TV interview which i needed for my career. it was pre-recorded at our home. i know she was eavesdropping but i tried to counter it by inviting her to be a part of it. she made a lame excuse that i get nervous with too many people around. the lady doing the interview wrote a novel which my BPD loves and i asked the author to sign it for her. then things went south. firstly i stated i do not want to divulge any personal information. i made sure BPD heard that. then the lady remarked it must be difficult for such an extremely handsome man to live a normal life. i thought what the heck that is totally unprofessional, i do make a living from my face but i dont have any airs around me. so i commented that as long as i do not focus on my looks but how i treat people im doing ok. the interview went well we signed and the lady and her crew left. i knew i have to step into the lion's den.

so what did you talk about? as if she wasn't listening.

My job.

she is very pretty.

and i knew here it comes.

i was focussed on what i was saying i didnt really pay attention to her.

where does she live? why did she take so many still pictures of you? when will you see her again? and so on.

how am i supposed to know? i dont interfere with the entertainment world's personal lives. i don't think we will have a follow up shoot.

i gave up several jobs this byear because of romantic scenes, too many females in the scenes and too long hours and days away from home. BPD are insanely jealous and i have to accommodate her. i talk to my shrink after dodging the bullets and he told me he started counceling her as well. i gave him some background and he was amazed about all her lies about me. i told him not to bother about it that i do not care what she says about me, because the truth cannot be hidden forever.this is getting tricky to find any privacy she even got ladies to stalk me on social media. she feels unworthy of my love and is scared of losing me. no matter how much attention i pay to her

[adaw]

i had a full stressful day. foremost was an TV interview which i needed for my career. it was pre-recorded at our home. i know she was eavesdropping but i tried to counter it by inviting her to be a part of it. she made a lame excuse that i get nervous with too many people around. the lady doing the interview wrote a novel which my BPD loves and i asked the author to sign it for her. then things went south. firstly i stated i do not want to divulge any personal information. i made sure BPD heard that. then the lady remarked it must be difficult for such an extremely handsome man to live a normal life. i thought what the heck that is totally unprofessional, i do make a living from my face but i dont have any airs around me. so i commented that as long as i do not focus on my looks but how i treat people im doing ok. the interview went well we signed and the lady and her crew left. i knew i have to step into the lion's den.

so what did you talk about? as if she wasn't listening.

My job.

she is very pretty.

and i knew here it comes.

i was focussed on what i was saying i didnt really pay attention to her.

where does she live? why did she take so many still pictures of you? when will you see her again? and so on.

how am i supposed to know? i dont interfere with the entertainment world's personal lives. i don't think we will have a follow up shoot.

i gave up several jobs this byear because of romantic scenes, too many females in the scenes and too long hours and days away from home. BPD are insanely jealous and i have to accommodate her. i talk to my shrink after dodging the bullets and he told me he started counceling her as well. i gave him some background and he was amazed about all her lies about me. i told him not to bother about it that i do not care what she says about me, because the truth cannot be hidden forever.this is getting tricky to find any privacy she even got ladies to stalk me on social media. she feels unworthy of my love and is scared of losing me. no matter how much attention i pay to her

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

Insecurities and jealousy like this is common.

defending yourself and slipping into JADE pushes you to a place where you appear to be hiding something and hence adding validation to hetrr fears. This is her goal she wants you to validate her fears are genuine. If there is no substance to it then putting you on the defensive creates a scenario where it looks like it could be true.

This is the stage whereby she can present her fears/suspicions to others (triangulating) in order to trigger rescuer/validater role in others.

Given enough validation of the invalid and in her mind it becomes the reality. This is her way of proving to herself that she is not crazy and is in fact just a victim.

What to do? Stay away from defending yourself and denying her accusations and stick to listening to and soothing her insecurities. This is not about you it is about her, keep the ball out of your court. Dont even bother hitting the odd stray ball back, you just add energy to it.