I'm a little conflicted on what to do here. My fiancé and I have dated for three years and moved very quickly when we first met (we decided to move in together after around five months of dating). Anyhow, after we had lived together for a month or so, I noticed she had some odd behaviors where she would tell me that she couldn't handle me talking to her after work, was quick to throw a punch (she's actually got a hell of a right cross), consistently started checking my phones internet history to make sure I wasn't looking at porno, etc.
Anyhow, I did like a lot of guys who found a girl they were crazy about and kept giving up ground as she would try to slowly erode my independence. As time went on, I continually felt myself slipping from who I was (loud, outspoken, fun to be around, amateur bodybuilder) to someone who I always looked down on when I was me (controlled, obese, trying to consistently please an angry woman, etc). I have gained over 100lbs since we've met because she constantly insists that I'm either going to the gym to get away from her or to go look at other women... .neither of which is true. After a few knock down and drag out fights, she started seeking the support of a counselor as I told her I thought she might have a histrionic personality disorder based upon some Google research I had done.
Eventually, I bought a home and I went to work diligently at a job I hated so that I could take care of her (I think she's on her 9th or 10th job since we started dating because there is ample "drama" at any job she works). Last winter, I ended up losing my job and spent some time unemployed eventually losing my home. Anyhow, we both recently moved into my parents home to try and get back on our feet. I instantly found work (I work construction and live in Texas, so it's pretty easy to find unless you are looking within two months of year's end). She had massive objections to my new job as I would be working with more women than I have in the past. Couple this with the new environment, living with my parents, and losing our home, it's not a large stretch to determine she hasn't been overly receptive to it.
We've been here for four months now, have paid off over 10k in debt, got caught up on every past due payment stemming from my unemployment. She found a job at a top flight advertising firm here. Everything should be going good by comparitve standard, but instead she comes home and cries with the lights off in bed and constantly tells me how she doesn't want to live anymore. I've been reacting to this by coddling her like I have for the past three years, but at this point it's really starting to stretch me thin based on the 14-16 hour workdays that I'm pulling just to try and keep everything together.
Long story short, last Friday, she had a huge blow up over a towel being put into a hamper and not hung up for additional usage. The fight divulged into significant screaming and vulgarities before she went all out on a physical attack.
We've had issues with her keeping her hands to herself throughout the duration of the relationship and I've tried to be firm with her about it by telling her hat I will not tolerate that behavior. That will usually work for a month or two, but she always will come swinging when she doesn't get her way.
Anyhow, back to last Friday, after she hits me, I tell her if it happens again, I'm filing for a restraining order. She collapses on the driveway and starts talking about suicide. I then firmly tell her that I have heard enough of that and that she needs to "get over it" (I tried firmness since coddling hasn't worked to this point). Anyhow, she yells that she hates me, she's leaving, and never wants to see me again and leaves for work.
After a few hours she shows back up at the house, goes bounding in and is stopped by my mother (wow, seeing that typed out officially makes me feel like a loser for moving back home,
). My mother tells her that she's not allowed in the house since she was privy to the physical attack in the AM and my fiancé apparently loses her cool.
Long story short, we haven't seen each other in a week and she's wanting to work this out and get help; personally, I feel like my confidence is coming back and I'm sleeping better than I have in a long time without someone consistently critiquing my behavior, crying out for my attention, and clinging to me like the cure for cancer. However, when times were good with us, I truly enjoyed being around her and I do have a significant penchant of guilt considering that I've been her provider for the last few years and I've essentially cast her into homelessness.
I look back at the living hell the past 2 out of 3 years have been in having to always accommodate a roller coaster of a personality, but I hate to throw away the good times as well. What are the options for living with someone who has BPD and a bit of a violent streak? Is there any salvaging this?
