NEED HELP D TAKING US TO COURT

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

HELLO  need some help our d is taking us to court saying we have abused her and she is trying to get a restraining order against us to keep us from seeing our two gc this is what it is all about the grandchildren.  Looking for some info i could print out about BPDs traits specifically lying, exagerating, manipulation and any thing else Thank you   

[mggt]

HELLO  need some help our d is taking us to court saying we have abused her and she is trying to get a restraining order against us to keep us from seeing our two gc this is what it is all about the grandchildren.  Looking for some info i could print out about BPDs traits specifically lying, exagerating, manipulation and any thing else Thank you   

[Thunderstruck]

Hi mggt,

Have you consulted with a L on the matter? I know states vary on their laws about grandparents rights.

Is she saying you are currently abusing her, or that you have abused her in the past?

What is your relationship with her like?

[ForeverDad]

It may be that an in-depth evaluation will be needed for the allegation to be resolved.  Part of your defense/challenge would be that (presumably) she never opposed contact until (presumably) something triggered her to make the only sort of allegations that could be used against you.  Sadly, allegations of abuse are too often misused by people (even our loved ones) who have no compunction against lying.

If D was adopted and has had BPD behaviors over the years then likely you have a history that can defend you?

Also, the fact that she had a falling out with her BF and his family is an indicator that it could be her issues and not everyone else's issues.

[mggt]

Hello, Thank you for your responses we just hired a lawyer court date mid may . She is still with current bf we had a big blow out here on feb 28th and her bf and 2 kids moved out .  She was adopted at 5 days old .  They moved about 10 m. inutes from our home in mid april we stopped by there apartment to see our grandaughter she was not there bf was only one there with infant son he slammed door would not let us in we left he said he was calling the police we waited outside for police we explained story to police they went up to apt and spoke with him came back down and told us he didnt want us there he is not our grandaughters father .We then left couple weeks later we get a summons in mail saying we tried to force ourselves in .We have tons of material police records court records mental health records on our dd stemming from very ealry on our lawyer said cant us because of laws .  So from what I am udnerstanding they can say anything against us and it is gospel they were granted temp restraining order very frustrating 

[Thunderstruck]

We were in a similar situation with uBPDbm... .my SD was left home alone and DH went to uBPDbm's apartment to check on her and took a police officer with him as a witness. Then uBPDbm filed a TRO claiming DH was trying to kidnap SD.

Check the laws in your state. Our RO was immediately dismissed because kidnapping didn't qualify as a reason for a RO (and uBPDbm made no other claims that did qualify).

Your L will likely want to subpoena the officer who responded to the scene. You can go to the police department and get a copy of their report.

I understand your L's stance on not using old material... .keep it simple and just address the situation at hand.


What are the grandparents rights in your state? Not many states have adopted these standards and leave it up to the parents to decide who can and can't see the child.

The boyfriend doesn't have rights to say who can and can't see the child per se, but it was his residence and he had possession of the child (and possession is 9/10s of the law, so they say).

[ForeverDad]

Imagine if you had been recording yourselves as you arrived and approached the BF's door.  You would have had proof that you weren't barging in and that he had slammed the door.  If no legal aftermath then you could have just archived it and forgotten it.  But you would have had something to document you behaved yourselves and that their allegations were trumped up.

Have you been able to see your grandchild previously?  Then she ought to have a harder time suddenly blocking your contact now, especially if she now making allegations about years past.  As was mentioned above, grandparents' rights in your state will also impact what happens going forward.

Probably henceforth you should consider recording yourselves as self defense.  Don't make a big deal of it, don't wave recording devices in their faces, in other words, don't create incidents.  I've recorded and most of the time my recorder was in my pocket, out of sight, out of mind.  Now, 10 years later, just about every mobile device can record so recording is not such a contentious issue as in the past if you use good judgment and try not to trigger 'incidents'.

When I went through my divorce I faced very extreme allegations.  I knew it would be bad so I started recording months before separation.  I wanted proof that I wasn't the one with the pattern of misbehaving, ranting or raging.  It was a form of self-protection insurance for me and though I didn't sleep well back then I did feel a little bit safer if the police ever came for me in the middle of the night to cart me off.  Fortunately, they never did.   But eventually I did make use of my recordings, once with CPS and once with family court.  I probably also offered them as proof to the CE (custody evaluator) and GAL (Guardian ad Litem).

[mggt]

Thank you I tried to get the police records but told we cant have them? When we went to see gd she wasnt home.  our gd was with her birthfather Our daughter also filed a restraining order against us saying we have been physcially abusive with her for years and court granted tro and one for my husband also and bf got a tro for me and my husband claiming we forced our way in to apartment .  They all lived with us up until end of feb we waited to see gd for one month and half .  Very frustrating we have tons of records proving that we have been the ones abused but for some reason cant use we are trying to protect our reputations As time goes on this has gone from bad to very bad all due to our dd disorder .  We cant trust our d anymore this has gone way too far

[mggt]

We were also told by our lawyer we have no grandparents rights