Stuck on my 10th step

[unicorn2014]

So I'm stuck on my 10 step, continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

In ACA you integrate the laundry list traits.

I'm stuck on the one where we suppressed our feelings because they were too painful.

Two nights ago I switched insomnia medications, last night or this morning I woke up at 2am, I got 2 hours sleep.

I'm very symptomatic right now with my PTSD and now I'm struggling with a mood disorder because of this probate case I'm involved in.


Yesterday I shared about abandonment.

Today I'm struggling with the fact that my mom didn't raise me in her religion which caused me to convert to a religion that is very hard to practice now.

[Kwamina]

Hi unicorn2014

So I'm stuck on my 10 step, continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

In ACA you integrate the laundry list traits.

I'm stuck on the one where we suppressed our feelings because they were too painful.

Maybe we can help you get unstuck then!  When things are too painful it makes sense that our mind searches for alternative coping mechanisms to help us get through it. Unfortunately suppressed feelings still are able to affect us, no matter how hard we might try to suppress or deny them. It's often said that the only way to get through the pain is to allow yourself to feel the pain without trying to push it away. Are there specific events or specific types of events related to the feelings you've suppressed?

Two nights ago I switched insomnia medications, last night or this morning I woke up at 2am, I got 2 hours sleep.

What was the reason you switched medications? Was the old medication perhaps ineffective?

It's tough dealing with so little sleep on top of your PTSD.

I'm very symptomatic right now with my PTSD and now I'm struggling with a mood disorder because of this probate case I'm involved in.

What are the main PTSD symptoms you are currently noticing in yourself?

Today I'm struggling with the fact that my mom didn't raise me in her religion which caused me to convert to a religion that is very hard to practice now.

In what ways do you feel your religion is hard to practice now?

Do you perhaps prefer your mother's religion more than your current religion? Or is it perhaps also what bothers you that your mother did not take the time to raise you in her religion? Do you know why she didn't do that?

[unicorn2014]

Hi unicorn2014

So I'm stuck on my 10 step, continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

In ACA you integrate the laundry list traits.

I'm stuck on the one where we suppressed our feelings because they were too painful.

Maybe we can help you get unstuck then!  When things are too painful it makes sense that our mind searches for alternative coping mechanisms to help us get through it. Unfortunately suppressed feelings still are able to affect us, no matter how hard we might try to suppress or deny them. It's often said that the only way to get through the pain is to allow yourself to feel the pain without trying to push it away. Are there specific events or specific types of events related to the feelings you've suppressed?

I'm remembering things from when I was 3 up until the conflict that is affecting me now. I think it has to do with male behavior, for one, my father, up to my partner. It has to do with illicit behavior: substance abuse, adultery, deception. That's just for starters.

Two nights ago I switched insomnia medications, last night or this morning I woke up at 2am, I got 2 hours sleep.

What was the reason you switched medications? Was the old medication perhaps ineffective?

It was making me gain weight and making me go back to sleep after I woke up. It did keep me from waking up in the middle of the night which I will do without medication.

It's tough dealing with so little sleep on top of your PTSD.

I'm very symptomatic right now with my PTSD and now I'm struggling with a mood disorder because of this probate case I'm involved in.

What are the main PTSD symptoms you are currently noticing in yourself?

Insomnia, the mood disorder. This medication I switched back to has suicidal thoughts as a side effect so that's definitely a no go for me as I'm already dealing with a mood disorder.

Today I'm struggling with the fact that my mom didn't raise me in her religion which caused me to convert to a religion that is very hard to practice now.

In what ways do you feel your religion is hard to practice now?

For one I belong to a commuter parish. For two I don't feel comfortable asking people for rides anymore. Three I don't want to take my daughter on the bus. Four my religion is very demanding and i don't have the energy to practice it.

Do you perhaps prefer your mother's religion more than your current religion? Or is it perhaps also what bothers you that your mother did not take the time to raise you in her religion? Do you know why she didn't do that?

I would love it if my  mother and I belonged to the same religion, hers is easier. I know why she didn't do that, she left her religion when she left home.

[Kwamina]

Hi again unicorn2014

I'm remembering things from when I was 3 up until the conflict that is affecting me now. I think it has to do with male behavior, for one, my father, up to my partner. It has to do with illicit behavior: substance abuse, adultery, deception. That's just for starters.

I think it's very significant that you are able to identify male behavior as something that negatively affects you. Do you perhaps feel that the root cause of this is the way your father treated you and continues to treat you? Do you perhaps feel that you are recreating or reliving the experiences you had/have with your dad with other male figures in your life?

Insomnia, the mood disorder. This medication I switched back to has suicidal thoughts as a side effect so that's definitely a no go for me as I'm already dealing with a mood disorder.

It's unfortunate that the medication possibly has these side-effects. This is definitely something to be very mindful of.

For one I belong to a commuter parish. For two I don't feel comfortable asking people for rides anymore. Three I don't want to take my daughter on the bus. Four my religion is very demanding and i don't have the energy to practice it.

... .

I would love it if my  mother and I belonged to the same religion, hers is easier. I know why she didn't do that, she left her religion when she left home.

If you were able to resolve some of these problems, would you then still want to be a part of your current religious community?

[unicorn2014]

Hi again unicorn2014

I'm remembering things from when I was 3 up until the conflict that is affecting me now. I think it has to do with male behavior, for one, my father, up to my partner. It has to do with illicit behavior: substance abuse, adultery, deception. That's just for starters.

I think it's very significant that you are able to identify male behavior as something that negatively affects you. Do you perhaps feel that the root cause of this is the way your father treated you and continues to treat you? Do you perhaps feel that you are recreating or reliving the experiences you had/have with your dad with other male figures in your life?

My father neglected me and now I understand that to be caused by his narcissistic traits. My first husband was antisocial. My father was a substance abuser earlier in his life, my ex is an addict. The common characteristic is emotional unavailability. I had a short term relationship in my teens with a man who was living with one woman and then got involved with another woman while we were involved. After my divorce I got involved with a guy who treated me poorly. I am currently involved with someone going through a divorce. I had one man try to get into a relationship with me who was divorced and in a profession I liked but I found his personality too passive.

Insomnia, the mood disorder. This medication I switched back to has suicidal thoughts as a side effect so that's definitely a no go for me as I'm already dealing with a mood disorder.

It's unfortunate that the medication possibly has these side-effects. This is definitely something to be very mindful of.

Yes I didn't take any prescription medication for sleep last night and I woke up again in the middle of the night. I'm going to go to bed even earlier tonight.

For one I belong to a commuter parish. For two I don't feel comfortable asking people for rides anymore. Three I don't want to take my daughter on the bus. Four my religion is very demanding and i don't have the energy to practice it.

... .

I would love it if my  mother and I belonged to the same religion, hers is easier. I know why she didn't do that, she left her religion when she left home.

If you were able to resolve some of these problems, would you then still want to be a part of your current religious community?

I do not know. The first thing I need to do is learn to drive and buy a car. There is a church of the faith my mom belongs to in my city that I could take a bus too. When I converted to the faith I am now it was very easy to get to church. Now it is not. My faith and my mother's faith aren't that different. However I did raise my daughter in my faith and she identifies with that faith . I have broached the subject with her. When I converted I was in my earlier 20s. Now I am the mother of a teen.

In terms of my faith being very demanding and not having the energy to practice it, that is not something I may be able to resolve. I didn't have PTSD or a mood disorder when I converted.