how did I not notice these massive BPD traits?

[becky74]

Hello, I'm new here today, I'm a mental health nurse and don't know a) how I missed all the signs and

b) how I am in my second relationship with a BPD... .

I really feel low, worthless and like I can't cope with anymore... .I want it to be over but he still holds on to me and after his suicide attempt (his first one) on Wednesday last week and him his family and even his accident and emergency nurses blaming me I feel guilty and obliged to stay even though it's like being stuck on a spiders web... .the more I struggle to try and leave the more I'm stuck and the more danger I'm in. I feel like it will never be over... .what do I do? :'( I'm so depressed I've only just got the energy to function. I'm ratty with my kids and not focused in work, God

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Violettine]

Hello, I'm new here today, I'm a mental health nurse and don't know a) how I missed all the signs and

b) how I am in my second relationship with a BPD... .

I really feel low, worthless and like I can't cope with anymore... .I want it to be over but he still holds on to me and after his suicide attempt (his first one) on Wednesday last week and him his family and even his accident and emergency nurses blaming me I feel guilty and obliged to stay even though it's like being stuck on a spiders web... .the more I struggle to try and leave the more I'm stuck and the more danger I'm in. I feel like it will never be over... .what do I do? :'( I'm so depressed I've only just got the energy to function. I'm ratty with my kids and not focused in work, God

It's easy to be codependent when you're a MH caregiver.

[JQ]

Hello Becky,

Welcome to the group!  I'm glad you found us and sorry that you are going through the things you are in your r/s.  Don't beat yourself up as we've all been where you are. A lot of us if not all of us here are codependent aka NON's and have been where you are in a BPD r/s ... .some of us more than once. 

Would it surprise you, maybe not since you are a mental health nurse that a lot of NONs are first responders, fire fighters, police officers, nurses, doctors, military, therapist.

Being a mental health nurse you know better then most of what to look for, how to react and the help that is available and we look forward to your guidance as well.

Things will get better ... .they always get better Becky!   

J

[becky74]

Thank you J.  I read the message I posted back to myself later and thought how negative I sounded... .I've been in three relationships with BPD partners in the last ten years and always blame myself for being too strong, too harsh, too unbending etc, the truth is though after the atomic reactions that happen after a strong boundary has been set the BPD usually settles down for a bit, unfortunately the settled gaps are less and less these days and I need to break free... .his life has come on in leaps and bounds whilst we've been together and really I'm nor surprised it's the caring and public service sectors that attract these type of people, we give for a living and then our work becomes our home as well... .

Thanks for your support   

[JQ]

Becky,

Regardless of what we do for a living, no matter how strong we are on the inside, we all need help from time to time.  "Even the most confident and motivated people will need a helping hand at some point in their life."  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZQeMv5PXhg

"You're not defined by your past experiences, only guided by them."  Learn from them and push forward down the path on YOUR journey.  We all stumble on our own journey and you will too. But if you look behind you when you do, you'll see someone here to hold out a hand, pull you up, and dust you off. 

It's then up to YOU what you do next. You can continue down the path your currently on and see how that continues to work out for you. YOU can choose another path and see where that leads you on your journey OR you can sit back down where you're at and do nothing. The choice has been and will always be YOURS! 

Learn & Remember the 3 C's of BPD Becky. YOU didn't Cause it!  YOU can't Control it!  YOU can't Cure it! 

J

[Cat Familiar]

Hi Becky,

I didn't finish my grad school degree in counseling (thankfully I can say now, but at the time it was due to circumstances beyond my control) but nevertheless, I married a pwBPD, the next relationship was with someone with PTSD and I suspect BPD, and I will soon have my tenth year anniversary with my current husband, also a pwBPD (fortunately BPDlite in his case).

I wonder, if like me, you were raised by a parent with BPD?

What helped me was to develop some healthy narcissism and put myself first. It was really hard after a lifetime of looking after other people's feelings and putting myself last. I figured I was strong enough to take whatever may arise, while all these other people in my life were so fragile and about to crumble if I didn't rescue them.

So please don't beat yourself up for sounding "negative" or for choosing to be in relationships with BPD partners. You are a nurturer and wounded people are attracted to you. Time to think of your own needs and take care of yourself first. You've done the reverse, so give it a try and nurture yourself.

   

Cat