Hi HealingHeart128,
I was friends with a girl that I met through work who at the time was going through a bunch of stuff with her boyfriend. They ended up breaking up and she basically invited herself to move in with me "until she got on her feet". She lived with me for about 5-6 months. I basically was taking care of her we worked at the same place and we made the same amount of money. But yet she never had money and never paid me rent or anything else I was basically taking care of her.
I know you feel hurt and used by this girl because basically she behaved in a manner (towards you) that was hurtful and thoughtless.
She would always tell me that she was not capable of living on her own because she didn't have the finances. But, she spent money like crazy when it came to shopping for her. I had been wanting to kick her out since the first month that she lived with me but she always had something bad happening to her and I always felt bad.
Generally speaking, if you ever find yourself interacting with someone who makes you feel *fear*, *obligated*, or *guilty* (i.e., FOG) beware, you probably are being used/manipulated (consciously or unconsciously).
She spent money like crazy because people with BPD act on impulse. Feelings override logic and sense. This is why a sensible girlfriend would have been thoughtful about moving in with your ex-boyfriend. But your BPD ex-friend was only concerned with her situation and her feelings.
I was so upset because he knew how she was with me and all of the crappy things she would do. Not to mention she has a huge problem with pain meds and always being "sick" and calling off work. But, he had told me several times that he always felt bad for her because "she was always down on her luck" She quit our job shortly after getting with him. She was never reliable at work and was actually getting close to getting fired.
Perhaps your ex-boyfriend acted out of guilt and obligation as well? Or perhaps your BPD ex-friend fed him a distorted perspective of you to which at least for the time being he is subscribing?
Basically my question is how long does the honeymoon phase last if she moved in with him literally the second they started dating? I know she will behave for a while because she needs him to have a place to live but essentially how long will it take for him to see how bad she really is? Any insight would be helpful. I have been so upset these last couple of weeks. Thanks
I know you want to feel better with a prediction that this relationship with crash and burn spectacularly in some short period of time. But I think what happens will depend entirely on your ex-boyfriend and how much of a glutton for punishment he is. Look at these forums. Don't you see how some relationships end quickly and some seem to drag on-and-on for years, decades? But the one common denominator is that these relationships are rarely if not ever rewarding enough to justify the trouble, pain, and heart-ache.
It's just that some of us (i.e., you) are wise enough to figure this out sooner rather than much much later (i.e., someone like me).
Best wishes, Schwing
