Suicide threats...

[Ceruleanblue]

BPDh's son has been depressed often in the five years I've known him. I suspect he, like BPDh, has some form of PD. He's threatened suicide often. He's always saying he's stressed. He grew up with two chaotic, angry parents. Last night, BPDh got a call from his estranged daughter, saying his son was in crises.

Apparently his sister and maybe Mom, took him to the ER, but they released him. He's coming to our house today for a visit, and I sure hope BPDh can drum up some emotional support for his son. BPDh so longs for an emotional connection with his three estranged daughters(the ones that hate me), but his son longs for that, and BPDh at times feels disconnected from his son.

I feel I married into a chaotic, angry bunch of people. I want peace, but there is no peace with this bunch. They never seem happy, just depressed, angry, or sad and blaming. Such a downer. I've dealt with so much abuse from BPDh, and lately it's been awful, that while I empathize with his son, it's just more to deal with.

Sadly, he'll probably come, and the only one who'll really talk to him much, will be me. BPDh will tell his son to come to him with troubles, but BPDh has so many communication issues that I think his son just doesn't for this reason. Just like BPDh, his son cycles, in fact, they all seem to.

I keep reminding myself that I have plans to get out, and that makes dealing with BPDh somewhat easier.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Ceruleanblue, If you are like me, you may be taking responsibility for problems that are not yours to solve.  It's OK to be empathetic, but your BPDh's son is not really your responsibility, is he?  Same goes for your BPDh's estranged daughters.  Suggest you try to sort through what you can control, and then let go of the rest.

LuckyJim

[Ceruleanblue]

Yeah, that's just it. I don't want to deal with any of this anymore, and that makes me feel sort of like a creep. I mean, I can and do empathize, but it just all gets very old.

I just want to make dinner, make light conversation, and let BPDh deal with his son's latest melt down. I'm going to do just that. Leave it to BPDh to deal with. I think I used to get suckered into more, due to the awkward silences when BPDh didn't interact much with his own kids.

I guess it just feels bad to change what I used to do: which is try too hard with all of them. It never got me anywhere, other than with this son, and I'm just tired of even doing that. I think it feels weird, because it's less than I used to do, and any change feels strange for a while.

[Lucky Jim]

Hello again, CB, I understand.  Sometimes less is more.  Learning to let go is an important skill.  Occasionally I say to myself, "Well, there's nothing I can do about that" or "that's not my problem."  Sounds a little silly, but it helps me to distinguish what is within my control.   During marriage to my BPDxW, I considered everything my problem and nearly destroyed myself.  Now I'm much more careful about what I take on.  LJ

[Ceruleanblue]

Yes, I was able to stay on plan. Made dinner, let BPDh carry most of the conversation, and then I did clean up. I handed BPDh ten bucks, and suggested he take his son for ice cream. I'm watching what I eat, and this will give them alone time. Funny thing is, BPDh doesn't seem to want to go without me.

He even looked over at me while I was cleaning dishes and told me he "loves me". You know, this is the same man who's telling me he's not sure he loves me, and doesn't think our marriage can work. I'm not letting him mess with my brain anymore. He'll likely be saying the complete opposite tomorrow

[Lucky Jim]

He'll likely be saying the complete opposite tomorrow wink

I suspect you're right, CB, which is why a BPD r/s is so stressful.  I was married to my BPDxW for 16 years, so I can empathize with your situation.  LJ