Listening as apposed to hearing

[JerryRG]

Learned, relearned, found I'm stubborn

My sponsor told me over a year ago ":)O NOT ENGAGE THAT WOMAN"

Pick up your son, egnore her texts and be the best father you can be

What did I do?

Go back to her, reestablish a relationship and fight with her and crawl back to my sponser and whine "WHAT HAPPENED?"

Over and over and over

I was hearing what I needed to hear but I was NOT LISTENING

I've been given all the tools I need to come out of this whole mess and it's only me who can use them.

A friend in AA told me it's like watching someone cry they are drowning in 3 inches of water... .STAND UP!

So are we listening or are we hearing

My choices are my responsibility and that's a part of growing up and growing up is something I never wanted to do, and didn't need to until I did.

[C.Stein]

Jerry,

You already recognized you have an addictive personality, hence the reason you are in AA.  Your relationship with your ex is no different.  Look at your recovery from "her" the same as you did/do with alcohol.  

[JerryRG]

Thank you C. Stein

I am always going to be alcoholic and she will always be my drink?

I try to frame it as our relationship was the addiction, taking the focus off her. I don't know if I'm right but I'm not addicted to Coors or Jack Daniels, just alcohol of any sort. Lol

Am I just fooling myself? Yesterday when she came out of her apartment and I seen what she was wearing I almost laughed. Her looks have really gone down hill or I'm just sobering up, either way the fog is clearing and I'm not seeing a princess. Just a woman with serious mental health issues who would devour me if I allowed it.

[C.Stein]

I try to frame it as our relationship was the addiction, taking the focus off her. I don't know if I'm right but I'm not addicted to Coors or Jack Daniels, just alcohol of any sort. Lol

The addiction lies within yourself.

[JerryRG]

That's true and thank you

[DazedD40]

Hey JerryRG, I'm a member of the fellowship too although I'll admit I don't go as nearly as often as I used too. During my relationship with my ex I stepped away and started running on self will. I can hardly profess to be the model member of AA but I do remember how it saved my arse from the depths of alcoholism.

If I'm honest After the first real split last year I went back in to the rooms as I knew that was the safest place to be as I was really close to picking up a drink to numb the pain. I reached out to my first sponser in desperation after I started using cocaine as my way of thinking it was the lesser of the two evils. Ill always remember him saying to me, what about you? All you do is talk about her getting well, but what about you? He'd challenge me and remind me of him watching me getting sober and ask me, is this what you fought so hard to get sober for?

I started adopting the programme a little more in to my life and looking back even when my ex was pushing and pulling me, I had started pulling away from her. However, I got charmed back in, didn't call my sponser again, stopped going to meetings and stopped doing the right things in favour of being sucked back in. Even now three weeks after she walked away feel me I allowed her in to my flat, in to my mind and in to my bed. Even after sitting here for three weeks forcing myself through withdrawal, trying to detox myself from her I still allow her back to harm me. I haven't summed up the courage to call him yet.

It's the equivalent to me walking to the off licence, buying a ltr vodka, and drinking myself stupid. I pick her up, thinking it will be different this time, I'll have a handle on her and have the self control to mange things but alas I end up with the same outcome and left with the feelings of self loathing, guilt, shame, remorse and worst of all fear.

I need to make that call and get back in the rooms. Thanks for helping me with your post. Just thought to myself, it's just for today. It's important to remember.

[C.Stein]

That's true and thank you

So what does that mean to you?  Are you listening to what I am saying?  

[Wize]

Hey JerryRg.  Sounds like a really tough, destructive cycle you're in with your ex.  As a fellow addict, I can attest that we can easily get caught in destructive patterns.  We do that because they're familiar, even comfortable. We chase that high while totally disregarding the pain and destruction that will shortly follow.  The high is what we care about.  We're addicts.

For you, I don't think it's so much about listening, it's about acceptance, believing and knowing.  You have accept and know that your ex is wrong for you and destructive to your life.  Until that becomes actual truth to you, you're going to keep repeating the cycle.

Just as you know that alcohol is destructive, know that this BPD woman is the same.

[JerryRG]

Thanks everyone, yes this has been a nightmare of epic proportion. Her whole family has issues

With grandma and mom right now buying my son shoes.

[Herodias]

"Am I just fooling myself? Yesterday when she came out of her apartment and I seen what she was wearing I almost laughed. Her looks have really gone down hill or I'm just sobering up, either way the fog is clearing and I'm not seeing a princess. Just a woman with serious mental health issues who would devour me if I allowed it."

That sound like a country song by Toby Keith that says, "you ain't that fun, since I quit drinking".

I think it may be a little of both. You are seeing the reality of it all either way... .