Anyone else got their mojo back?

[JerryRG]

Lol, Borrowed a line from Austin Powers and I'm referring to energy levels as in, since I've stopped obsessing over my exBPDgf  (addiction) how much energy I have available to get my life on track again. I know mojo was something different to Austin but well... .

It took many months of difficult work but the results are so worth it!

I still get emotional when I think about her, and I no longer blame her for her behaviours because she's ill. If and when I think about her I immediately hand it over to my higher power and ask him to deal with things I cannot control or manage (emotions).

I am told to pray for her too, AA thing.

It works and I'm getting stronger every day, taking care of my son is a piece of cake when I no longer have all the drama and lies to deal with.

My exgf was a bottomless pit of attention seeking life sucking draining my soul of life, individual.

[seenr]

no, but desperately want to get it back :-)

Can you advise us Jerry?

How to get it back? The last two days I feel like my spirit has been crushed, but I know staying away is the best option.

[JerryRG]

Hello seener

All I do is use the tools I've learned and keep practicing and eventually life gets back to manageable. If not for AA and Alanon and great family and friends and this site I would be lost.

Things that have helped most:

Higher power

Living in the moment, past is just a reference for learning, future is never here, both past and future are beyond our control.

Gratitudes, I write lists as often as I can, amazing when we realize what we have our peace can return. (I don't have my ex, so what. 98% misery and 2% fun? What have I lost?)

Never ever let a disordered person determine our self worth, they hate themselves so what sense does it make to listen to a person with BPD.

Take care of ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually. (rest, eating healthy, exercise, good support from healthy people)

Help others, get outside ourselves.

Love ourselves, acceptance and just because we feel awful at times we just keep moving forward.

These are my best tools I've be given.

Hope you feel better seenr

[heartandwhole]

Short answer: YES! 

I like your list, JerryRG, especially the focus on gratitude. Just yesterday, I found myself feeling very grateful for every cell in my body, for the nourishing food I get to eat everyday, for the people around me, for the cozy bed I sleep in... .

It feels great to be blessed with the simple things, that actually are so important.

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad that you are feeling better.

heartandwhole

[DazedD40]

Mojo? What's that then?

I'm running on ego and mask wearing at the moment. To the outside world it probably seems as if I do have my mojo back but underneath I'm lost, confused, sad, angry and knotted up.

I worked on the doors tonight so plenty of girls chatting away to me but not one part of me is like, oh hello ... I don't feel I have anything to give and my self esteem is on the floor. If I'm honest my whole being feels disturbed.

[myself]

The m-o-j is alright, still working on the last 'o'.

[JerryRG]

Hey DazedD40

I sometimes fake it to make it, I think it's sort of self motivation mixed in with denial of our feelings and or beliefs.

I know when I feel bad I still have choices, I can let them go, just allow myself to feel feelings or distract with something positive.

I find jounaling helps me process thoughts and feelings by putting them on paper I kind of release them to the paper?

A good friend recommends jounaling everytime I get upset, gratitudes are good to focus on as well.

[Mars22]

Never ever let a disordered person determine our self worth, they hate themselves so what sense does it make to listen to a person with BPD.

... I'm sorry... as mean as it is ...   this made me laugh really hard. Thank you.  

[Wize]

Hello seener

All I do is use the tools I've learned and keep practicing and eventually life gets back to manageable. If not for AA and Alanon and great family and friends and this site I would be lost.

Things that have helped most:

Higher power

Living in the moment, past is just a reference for learning, future is never here, both past and future are beyond our control.

Gratitudes, I write lists as often as I can, amazing when we realize what we have our peace can return. (I don't have my ex, so what. 98% misery and 2% fun? What have I lost?)

Never ever let a disordered person determine our self worth, they hate themselves so what sense does it make to listen to a person with BPD.

Take care of ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually. (rest, eating healthy, exercise, good support from healthy people)

Help others, get outside ourselves.

Love ourselves, acceptance and just because we feel awful at times we just keep moving forward.

These are my best tools I've be given.

Hope you feel better seenr

This is just a really good list, and it's practical and simple.

I'm still pretty fresh, still have to hash out the divorce stuff with stbx wife. I'm still in denial a little bit too, that's the hardest part.  I'm still holding on to her in my heart a little bit, hoping somehow it could possibly work out.  But like you said, sometimes we have to fake it to make it and just move forward.  That's what I'm doing.

Like you I have a really strong support system and a belief in a Higher Power(and His son.)  There's a lot of peace and comfort in that.  I've also gotten sober, which feels fantastic.  Although I'll admit I really wanted to knock back some beers this afternoon after work(rough day.)

The 'one day at a time' thing is really tough but so dang important.  So much of our anxiety comes from the 'what ifs' of thinking about the future.  Well, all we got is today, so let's just do today and not go worrying about tomorrow. 

It's been a long time since I've felt my mojo.  I know it's there, it's been a few years since it's come out to play.  I'm getting it back though, slowly. 

Thanks for the good words, jerry.

[KarmasReal]

I really admire that you are so aware of things that will help you make the best of the situation. I'm so off kilter now from my break up with my BPD ex girlfriend I can't figure which is up and down. Everything I do or try to do seems like a temporary fix from the pain of missing her. It comes back because I haven't found the coping skills to get a lasting inner peace like you are talking about. My support system is small and most don't know how bad I feel they think my fun, party hardy attitude is just me, but it really is just a "mask" so no one knows how truly sad I am. I seem to live too much in the future and past, instead of feeling peace in the present, apparently I need to work on my coping skills a bit more!

[HoneyB33]

Hello seener

All I do is use the tools I've learned and keep practicing and eventually life gets back to manageable. If not for AA and Alanon and great family and friends and this site I would be lost.

Things that have helped most:

Higher power

Living in the moment, past is just a reference for learning, future is never here, both past and future are beyond our control.

Gratitudes, I write lists as often as I can, amazing when we realize what we have our peace can return. (I don't have my ex, so what. 98% misery and 2% fun? What have I lost?)

Never ever let a disordered person determine our self worth, they hate themselves so what sense does it make to listen to a person with BPD.

Take care of ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually. (rest, eating healthy, exercise, good support from healthy people)

Help others, get outside ourselves.

Love ourselves, acceptance and just because we feel awful at times we just keep moving forward.

These are my best tools I've be given.

Hope you feel better seenr

Thanks JerryRJ for this post. It is reminding me yet again to get my focus off of this person, and give whatever I worry about to God. I had a dream about my ex last night, and it totally pulled me back to thinking about them. Worrying that they're prospering in life, etc, while I'm in pieces.

All of this was very helpful in reminding me to take back my energy for myself, thank you. And this list is also very helpful. I think so much healing is really found in just believing ourselves. Stepping into what we already know.

[balletomane]

Mine is on its way back.

4th June marked a year of no contact. It's been a tough year, but I've grown tremendously as a person since then. I am much clearer about what I want out of life. I've learnt how to set better boundaries for myself - fairer for me, and fairer for others. I've accepted that I can't fix everything for everyone. A friend who is in AA introduced me to the phrase "Take care of your side of the street", and I have found great freedom in taking responsibility for things I can control rather than trying to solve the problems of other people in my life. In this year, I have been free to feel hurt and make mistakes without fearing that my ex would be pouncing on me within seconds for feeling the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing. I've rediscovered what it's like to have friends who care about me and accept me, and who don't use me as their metaphorical punchbag. I feel hopeful for my future. I've grieved the things I lost through that relationship and can finally appreciate the lessons I took from it. While I still don't see it as a positive experience in and of itself, I recognise that I have the power to bring something good out of it in the same way that you can grow flowers in horse manure. I think things will be OK in the end. While I have dips in mood now and then, the overall trend is up.

Lately two or three days at a time have passed without me even thinking of him once. That might not sound like a lot, but when you consider that for months he's been in my mind all day and frequently surfacing in my dreams, this is huge. I haven't felt tempted to check his Facebook in a couple of months. At the moment I don't even feel interested to know if he's still with the woman he cheated on me with. Also significant is that the 15th of the month (the day he told me about the cheating and my replacement) has passed by twice now without me even registering it until after it was long gone.

Yesterday I also realised that in all the time I knew my ex, both as a partner and as a friend, I never knew him to do one kind thing for someone unless there was something in it for him. He would never go out of his way to help anyone, and he always used to complain that I was a pushover and a doormat for doing so. It's true that I do find it very difficult to say no, and in the past people have taken advantage of my desire to be the one who fixes things and my poor assertiveness. In this past year I have had to develop my assertiveness skills and accept that I can't mend everything, as I said. But my ex would interpret pretty much any kindness as doormat behaviour, and if friends asked him for perfectly reasonable favours that wouldn't have cost him anything, he would see them as selfish and imposing on him. He could be lovely if there was something immediate in it for him. But only then. When I realised this, something clicked into place in my mind, and I realised that this was never a person I could have been happy with even if he'd never turned on me, because kindheartedness and generosity really matter to me. These are qualities I prize above all else. This made me realise that I understand myself better now, and my priorities, and I am prepared to walk away from someone who doesn't fit with them rather than trying to cling on at any price.

[HoneyB33]

Balletomane a few days IS a lot. You sound like you are kicking a$$ and taking names, good for you. And thanks for sharing as it is encouraging to know that it gets better!