Losing my mind

[masongirl]

I think my husband has BPD. 2nd marriage and blended family. Major parenting differences. He worshipped me at first and now he is cruel and rage filled. Currently  we are living apart because of an episode where the police were called. my children absolutely hate him because of how they've seen him treat me. They don't want him back in the house and he is so angry that they don't want him back. Says I'm a terrible parent that lets my life be run by children and I should demand they respect him. He thinks my complaints about his anger are overstated. Threatens to commit suicide if I leave him. Despite my children and I having some major issues with his anger and behavior, he says that  he may have been abusive but it was only out of total frustration when my children treated him disrespectfully and I did nothing about it for all of these years.  Says he hates my children and I should prioritize him as my husband above all else. It's so hard feeling so alone all the time and his perspective is so out there.
Everyone in my life tells me to leave him. He hates anyone that "doesn't show support for our marriage".

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[patientandclear]

Those are the issues that my BPDx cited when he walked away from our otherwise fantastic-seeming r/ship after just a few months five years ago. I'm thinking maybe he did me a favor based on your report :/

How do YOU feel?  It's sounds like he's having a terribly destructive impact on you and your kids. Are you more conflicted than you sound here?

Kids need you to choose them over an abusive step-parent. I can understand if you personally have mixed feelings, but by the time a step-parent is making the kids feel terrible and making you feel terrible for doing what you need to as their mom, it's hard to salvage (unless he is open to hearing that his participation needs to change, which isn't coming through in your story).

But I'm guessing you know all this--what leads you to post about trying to save this relationship?