Sometimes truth comes in small doses

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Thinking tonight as my son lays down to sleep. What people have been telling me is true.

My son's mother hasn't seen him for over a week, and she seems to not miss him badly enough to ask how he's doing.

What people told me?

Once I told her to get out of my life, which I did last Nov, she was only using our son to control me. Now that I've cut off my attention from her 100% she has forgotten our son. This is what's best for our son and certainly for me.

Just difficult to believe it's really happening.

Brief summary:

She's pregnant, she turns on me and becomes violent and blames her moods on hormones.

She pushes me away

She abuses pain meds and gets sent to treatment

She gets out and lives with me

When our son is born she tells me she doesn't love me and that she will find a good dad for him

She treats me like scum and makes it impossible to see our son

I file for parental rights, she gives in

She uses our son to keep herself off drugs

I get my rights, her and I live together

We get engaged

We break up and back together, (lost count)

I kick her out

She finds a bf

She gets cancer (?)

She's cured

She's sick, she's cured (lost count)

I tell her we were not, will not be friends ever again

She don't want to see our son anymore

[GreenEyedMonster]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been through all this.  I think many of us here are good-hearted people who want to give others the benefit of the doubt.  We keep telling ourselves that the truth can't possibly be that bad until indisputable proof smacks us in the face.  I still have a hard time imagining that my ex is as bad as he outwardly seems; it always feels like he will at one point realize how awful he is and stop all this. 

When I first started reading on this board, many topics were about the concept of accountability.  It was all predicated on the idea that you can, through some sort of discipline, make someone realize how awful their behavior is.  I don't think that's very effective for pwBPD because they are so uncentered that even things like losing family ties don't really impact them the way they should.  I have compared them to the Black Knight from Monty Python.  Every time they suffer a loss, it's "just a flesh wound" and they keep on going like the defeat or loss didn't matter.  If someone values nothing (or tells themselves that they do), there is no accountability, because there is no fear of loss.

[JerryRG]

Thank you GreenEyedMonster

My hope, my precious genuine hope is she stays out of our sons life. I'm not an expert on parenting and the needs of a toddler but she's never been much of a mother, not able to be there for our son emotionally. She's a child herself and one of the most difficult realities foe me was caring for 2 children. Our son is so much less demanding and rational and acceptable.

I have a fear she will mess up all we've built and harm our son some time in the future. Fear and thinking about the future are just boogeyman and not reality.

Our son and I will be well, grow, thrive, live and enjoy life. His mother is not.

I remember the Monty Python movie, it is true, she's dying or wishes she was and making up all the illnesses proves she just wants her pain and life to end.

I can't help her, and one day when she realizes she turned her back on her one and only son, this beautiful baby boy, she will have just one more reason to feed her self hatred.