More pain, more triggers.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hey guys,

Received a disturbing status update written by my BPD ex. This has really triggered me and I am now sick to my stomach again with worry. I haven't messaged him, as I'm afraid that this is just a BPD rouse. Even then I'm so concerned. The message reads:

"Time to say goodbye. It makes me so depressed till no other because I never wanted things to be like this  I really don't want to live in this life anymore and I wish I could start it over. This pain, I get what I deserve. I'm sorry. I'll miss everything and the love of my life. I need to rethink everything in life because everything I do just hurts and makes everyone go away because of me. I hope that one guy you find will be there to hold you and treat you better than me. The way you deserve. Bye "

I know this is something BPD's tend to do but I can't help but take any slight indication that he may hurt himself seriously. How can I help him? Before I would cry my eyes out and call him right away, without the slightest of hesitation. What do I do?

[Masuimi]

Hey guys,

Received a disturbing status update written by my BPD ex. This has really triggered me and I am now sick to my stomach again with worry. I haven't messaged him, as I'm afraid that this is just a BPD rouse. Even then I'm so concerned. The message reads:

"Time to say goodbye. It makes me so depressed till no other because I never wanted things to be like this  I really don't want to live in this life anymore and I wish I could start it over. This pain, I get what I deserve. I'm sorry. I'll miss everything and the love of my life. I need to rethink everything in life because everything I do just hurts and makes everyone go away because of me. I hope that one guy you find will be there to hold you and treat you better than me. The way you deserve. Bye "

I know this is something BPD's tend to do but I can't help but take any slight indication that he may hurt himself seriously. How can I help him? Before I would cry my eyes out and call him right away, without the slightest of hesitation. What do I do?

[DreamerGirl]

Hi Masuimi,

I'm sorry to hear how much worry he is putting you through,

I think you will get some more experienced answers than mine, but I just wanted to say that in my experience with my Mother doing the same as your ex, that I would call an ambulance and let them know that my mother was threatening suicide.  Then at least I knew she would be in expert hands.  She would be furious when the Ambulance turned up, but if they are implying they are going to hurt themselves then of course people are going to worry and want to save them. 

I wish you the best and I hope you don't let this set you back x

[married21years]

hi best advice in books is report to authorities 

its a hard one for sure!

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey M-

I haven't messaged him, as I'm afraid that this is just a BPD rouse.

Good call, remember think attachments with borderlines, and how losing one is the worst thing that could happen, and threats of self injury are a handy way to "inspire" contact.

I know this is something BPD's tend to do but I can't help but take any slight indication that he may hurt himself seriously. How can I help him? Before I would cry my eyes out and call him right away, without the slightest of hesitation. What do I do?

The correct protocol is don't leave the person alone, keep them engaged, act, don't wait, but also don't make it an emergency, stay calm.  The best resource is a local suicide prevention helpline, or a hospital emergency room.

The problem is that you can't communicate with him at all right now without getting triggered M, so you are among the worst people to try and help, honestly.  If you are committed to getting involved you could call someone local to him who's a friend or relative, read them the message, and have them go be with him and see what's up, or to the extreme call the cops and have them do a welfare check.

And above all of that, maybe This has really triggered me and I am now sick to my stomach again with worry is exactly what he knew would happen, a borderline flailing at a lost attachment, and it's up to you how much of that you put up with.  Take care of you!

[drained1996]

M,

You have gotten some great advice already.  I'll follow it up with a thought I had while reading his message.

"I need to rethink everything in life because everything I do just hurts and makes everyone go away because of me."

Why would he need to rethink things if indeed he was planning on harming himself?  Seems like a statement made by someone who plans to be around in the future to me.  
Take note how each message he sends you seems to put you in a tailspin.  I was the same way in my journey.  Ultimately I blocked her in every fashion I could.  That was a bandage that wasn't comfortable to put on, but it allowed my wounds to start healing.  
Stay strong and know you have plenty of support here.  

[Masuimi]

Hey all!

Thanks for all the advice!
Honestly, I just didn't do anything at all. Not because I truly didn't want to, but because there is really no way of me being able to help. He lives in a different country and I have no way to contact his family. HOWEVER, exactly as how drained1996 pointed out, someone about to commit suicide wouldn't write about how much they need to "re-think life". I noticed with this message that I was concerned, but unlike beforehand I wasn't in fits of rage and tears. I was sick with worry but at the same time felt a sense of disconnect. I remembered all the times he'd openly state that he was going to commit suicide and how I would react with such frantic panic - calling him nonstop, texting him words of encouragement and love etc, just to be met with a text two hours later saying "sorry, phone was in the other room charging." It was like a game, but at the expense of my emotional wellbeing.

I'm am however saddened that this may be the beginning of me fully being painted black, as maybe it wasn't a suicide note but more of a note of him saying fairwell to what he viewed as "holding on to the relationship". Do you think there is even the slightest chance that he REALIZES what he had and why he has lost it? His messages tend to indicate so, but I have no clue what could actually be going on in his BPD mind.

I am depressed over the fact that MAYBE one day I'll miss him so much, text him, and he'll be cold and indifferent towards me (and with a new little attachment, God bless her soul). I just don't understand how he can have self-awareness in knowing that he has a mental issue (that causes him grief and makes everyone leave), but yet REFUSES to seek professional help for it. He's always know that he's had something "mentally unstable" about himself. Promptly stating in the beginning of our relationship that he was "fcked up in the head and that his thought process was different than others". At that time I would tell him "everyone thinks a little differently" or "don't worry, I can be just as fcked up as well". I should have seen it as a sign when he replied with "no, I don't think you understand just how bad it gets. I am fcked in the head, I'm not kidding."

BUT ANYWAYS, it's day five guys! Instead of waking up in tears at 4:30am, I woke up at 6 with a small sliver of peace in my heart. I even went to work last night and laughed so hard with my friends/coworkers that I could physically feel the sadness leaving my body. I have been given many deep, lasting hugs and tons of positive reassurments of love/acceptance. I think I'm in a good place today. I realize that every day will be a new battle, BUT I'll be looking forward to having more days like this one will be. Thank you GOD and thank you everyone for being so supportive and caring!

[drained1996]

M,

It's great to see you're making headway on your journey and that today is better! 
I am going to suggest you look back to the last part of my previous post and have you ask yourself... ."is it time to fully protect me?"   

[GoingBack2OC]

Id only add this, keep in mind if you do call 911, they will likely respond, not with an ambulance, but the police.

The police will if they believe she is a risk to herself/himself, not arrest, but detain. Yes this means handcuffs.

But they will take her to a local hospital for evaluation, and likely ask her/him to voluntarily commit themselves to a 72 hour hold. They will if they think they are a risk, give them the option to voluntary, or it will be involuntary. From what I've heard,,, voluntary. You don't want the other.

Inside, they will see doctors, have food, medication, it's kind of like camp. It's not lock down, it is a hospital, but it feels restricted in the sense you cant have sharp objects, or even a draw string. But youre fed, checked up on, and evaluated. You leave in 3 days with full prescriptions if need be.

I bring this up, because, keep in mind, how the person may react, first to the cops showing up. And the detainment.

Second, it may make them realize, if they are actually suicidal... .next time... .not to call. Knowing what will happen. So its a tough spot.

Because I think it could make a person realize, if they wanted to hurt themselves, to not let someone know, and just do it.

Just a thought, its a difficult question, and I don't think there is one right answer. It really depends on the situation and the person.

[gotbushels]

Well done Masuimi 

You would be compassionate to yourself by remembering what happened here. You seem to have been subject to something that very likely is supposed to make you recycle, you saw through it with a broader view, you had a hard time, and you came out in a much better place. How does it feel to have avoided a cycle of drama?

Some people try to reinvent the wheel with helping themselves to be self-compassionate (my hand is up), but I found that if you find what works during this time, go ahead and use it.

BUT ANYWAYS, it's day five guys! Instead of waking up in tears at 4:30am, I woke up at 6 with a small sliver of peace in my heart. I even went to work last night and laughed so hard with my friends/coworkers that I could physically feel the sadness leaving my body. I have been given many deep, lasting hugs and tons of positive reassurments of love/acceptance. I think I'm in a good place today. I realize that every day will be a new battle, BUT I'll be looking forward to having more days like this one will be. Thank you GOD and thank you everyone for being so supportive and caring!

It gets easier.