they always charm

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Its been a while since my last post. As many of you here know and experienced that breaking up with a BPD partner its not easy, especially if you have invested time a heart and soul.
i was 3 years with my ex and broken up on and off till she sucked the life out of me and put me in a state of depression. The last break up was horrible and the scabs still are coming off. I locked myself in for 6 month and didn't want to get out, left my business in the mercy of others and didn't care about anything including myself. after such experience i decided to go back home to my native country (Europe) for the summer to be with family and get away from this negative energy. Somehow my ex found out and surely she showed up at my door a week before I would leave. As bad as i wanted closure and my mind was playing tricks on me i allowed her in; thinking i could have an adult conversation before we part our ways. She saw the situation that I was in and she wanted to see me again that evening. My mind was screaming no but my heart yes so i did see her and of course we slept together like nothing happened. Before that i asked her if she was seeing anyone as that for me it wouldn't work because i had/have feelings for her and she looked me straight in the eyes and said NO. I wanted to believe her but somehow they are not as good liars as they think they are, once you get that gut feeling u should follow it. That evening she slept over and the first thing she said when she entered the apartment was "I didn't want you to go to Europe, meet and marry some whore there" i smirked and looked her with pity.
The next day she was online with me when one of her friends called her and accidentally she forgot me on and heard the whole conversation and boy it was ugly, her friends had stalked her and found out that she was at my house and that I was the bad guy and bad influence on her. She denied it and then after a while she admitted it that she spent the nigh over but out of pity for me, that I was such a mess and my apartment stung and so on. this went on for an hour and meanwhile i was trying to call her and tell her that the mike was still on and that i could hear everything but she kept on declining on me. There was a guy that she was seeing too as per the conversation and after she hung up with her friends she had realized that i heard everything and i couldn't wait to hear her excuses. I told her that I have no idea how she puts her self into this situations and that No matter what would never speak ill of her because she meant something to me regardless of our ways. She kept making excuses and telling me that she wanted to keep her friend of her back, I wasn't happy with that because that wasn't the truth about me and her feelings towards me, if she kept lying all the time and when she would tell the truth (if she could) it wouldn't matter because of her constant lies no one believes her anymore. The next day i asked about this guy and told her that if she's seeing anyone she need to cut it out with me and get her sh*t straight but she swore nothing was going on. So i catch her on a lie i hear everything and yet she denies. Later that evening i went through her phone (not an excuse but i needed hard proof) and found out that she had contacted my ex-wife, a friend of mine that she thought I was seeing her (out of her insecurities) and this guy that she was texting him while with me and telling him how much she misses him and cant wait to spend the weekend with him. That hurt as hell considering that could have or has been me. I faced her the next morning and told her the truth and that I went through her phone and now she doesn't have to lie anymore, that she needs to come clean to her friends and family about me or otherwise I would. I told her that I was sick and tired of her portraying me as a monster when in fact she was the monster. She didn't believe that i was serious and kept on pushing this and made excuses, so i texted her friends with the truth and called this guy and also told him what had happened and if i had known i wouldn't gone that far. I gotten a threatening text from her to leave her alone and that i am a lunatic and if don't there will be consequences, It was just a night together and that I am making it a big deal but meanwhile she was briefly engaged to me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.
moral of this story i guess is to stay as far as possible from this people and never let them close to you again, they feed on your misery and no matter how may guys or veils this women put on, they will never be happy.
Left USA with such regret and she managed to ruin my getaway as always and now that i am back i still feel this hole in the pit of my stomach, I don't trust anyone anymore and its not fair to other girls nor me.
I am sorry for any typos as this is not my first language and for making it so long. I just needed to get it out of my chest even though its been 9 months that we are not together i still long for her, they say time heals but we will see.

[Heartbroken_guy]

Its been a while since my last post. As many of you here know and experienced that breaking up with a BPD partner its not easy, especially if you have invested time a heart and soul.
i was 3 years with my ex and broken up on and off till she sucked the life out of me and put me in a state of depression. The last break up was horrible and the scabs still are coming off. I locked myself in for 6 month and didn't want to get out, left my business in the mercy of others and didn't care about anything including myself. after such experience i decided to go back home to my native country (Europe) for the summer to be with family and get away from this negative energy. Somehow my ex found out and surely she showed up at my door a week before I would leave. As bad as i wanted closure and my mind was playing tricks on me i allowed her in; thinking i could have an adult conversation before we part our ways. She saw the situation that I was in and she wanted to see me again that evening. My mind was screaming no but my heart yes so i did see her and of course we slept together like nothing happened. Before that i asked her if she was seeing anyone as that for me it wouldn't work because i had/have feelings for her and she looked me straight in the eyes and said NO. I wanted to believe her but somehow they are not as good liars as they think they are, once you get that gut feeling u should follow it. That evening she slept over and the first thing she said when she entered the apartment was "I didn't want you to go to Europe, meet and marry some whore there" i smirked and looked her with pity.
The next day she was online with me when one of her friends called her and accidentally she forgot me on and heard the whole conversation and boy it was ugly, her friends had stalked her and found out that she was at my house and that I was the bad guy and bad influence on her. She denied it and then after a while she admitted it that she spent the nigh over but out of pity for me, that I was such a mess and my apartment stung and so on. this went on for an hour and meanwhile i was trying to call her and tell her that the mike was still on and that i could hear everything but she kept on declining on me. There was a guy that she was seeing too as per the conversation and after she hung up with her friends she had realized that i heard everything and i couldn't wait to hear her excuses. I told her that I have no idea how she puts her self into this situations and that No matter what would never speak ill of her because she meant something to me regardless of our ways. She kept making excuses and telling me that she wanted to keep her friend of her back, I wasn't happy with that because that wasn't the truth about me and her feelings towards me, if she kept lying all the time and when she would tell the truth (if she could) it wouldn't matter because of her constant lies no one believes her anymore. The next day i asked about this guy and told her that if she's seeing anyone she need to cut it out with me and get her sh*t straight but she swore nothing was going on. So i catch her on a lie i hear everything and yet she denies. Later that evening i went through her phone (not an excuse but i needed hard proof) and found out that she had contacted my ex-wife, a friend of mine that she thought I was seeing her (out of her insecurities) and this guy that she was texting him while with me and telling him how much she misses him and cant wait to spend the weekend with him. That hurt as hell considering that could have or has been me. I faced her the next morning and told her the truth and that I went through her phone and now she doesn't have to lie anymore, that she needs to come clean to her friends and family about me or otherwise I would. I told her that I was sick and tired of her portraying me as a monster when in fact she was the monster. She didn't believe that i was serious and kept on pushing this and made excuses, so i texted her friends with the truth and called this guy and also told him what had happened and if i had known i wouldn't gone that far. I gotten a threatening text from her to leave her alone and that i am a lunatic and if don't there will be consequences, It was just a night together and that I am making it a big deal but meanwhile she was briefly engaged to me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.
moral of this story i guess is to stay as far as possible from this people and never let them close to you again, they feed on your misery and no matter how may guys or veils this women put on, they will never be happy.
Left USA with such regret and she managed to ruin my getaway as always and now that i am back i still feel this hole in the pit of my stomach, I don't trust anyone anymore and its not fair to other girls nor me.
I am sorry for any typos as this is not my first language and for making it so long. I just needed to get it out of my chest even though its been 9 months that we are not together i still long for her, they say time heals but we will see.

[VitaminC]

Hi Heartbroken_guy,

I am really sorry for the pain you feel yourself in right now. I do understand. So many of us have been there - wanting the pwBPD in our lives, our minds saying one thing, our hearts and bodies another. Being lied to, cheated on, and misrepresented to others is not fair and it hurts. A lot.

During those 9 months you were not together, what did you do for yourself, I wonder? These relationships get under our skin in a completely different way. All that "charm" certainly, but also how much we need and want that feeling of being adored and special. That's human. At some point the cost is too great though, as you know yourself.

I know that right now you are feeling raw and gutted. I don't have to try too hard to remember that feeling myself - but it is in the past for me.  And it has been a long process of getting it there, into the past.

Right now, I really just want you to know that you've been heard and that others can relate to the pain. I want to tell you that it does get better, and that healing can be amazing and show you many things about yourself, some that need work and some that are just fine exactly as they are.

That's a process, kind of an adventure - and a much better one than the chaotic, dramatic, and ultimately destructive ones we enter into with partners who have BPD.

How long will you be in Europe? Are you with family or friends? What activites are there that allow you to rest and which ones allow you to get some of the energy out? Are you with people where you can just be yourself?

Keep posting, it does help to talk, to remember, to work things out slowly.

Hope you are getting sun and warmth, wherever you are  

[Mutt]

Hi Heartbroken_guy,

I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult time. I think that we need to give ourselves a break and sometimes we need to go through the lesson more than once until we get it.

I understand how frustrating that feels when our exes distort the truth about us. I like  how Winston Churchill puts it.

The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~ Winston Churchill

A pwBPD feel a lot of shame and guilt and project bad feelings and actions and feel shame when they're faced with their feelings and actions. My will alter reality often to placate her bad feelings. It's not personal to me and I know how painful it is now but you can set a goal to depersonalize it and become indifferent with her behaviors. You neither hate or like it. The truth has a way of working it's way out.