Why can't I get her out of my head when I know I did the right thing by getting away from the mind games and abuse? She is toxic to my life and yet I still crave her.
I don't believe she'll contact me again as for her, the attachment has been severed. Mine still seems to be there.
I believe I became addicted to the drama and constant roller coaster ride. She filled a void in my life and made me feel alive. I have to find positively to replace this, just don't know how. If I can't get her out of my head.
Hum, i'm not sure that filling a void is a good way to see things.
A met B. A attachment is connecting to B in an abstract way(which mean that your attachment don't really have a form for now) and vice versa which is creating something, which a think we can call a "value" in your life. Now this value is representing by the B person and the attachment are taking the form of this value. A left B. But attachment don't work as if once you deconnect from something, the attachment cease to exist, because it's not only a physical process but also a mental one. Now you have your attachment with a specific form, but nothing to manifest it because the object it was attach to as disappear. A void is now in play, and attachment are now trying to lost there form. So you obsess. They are trying to detach themselves.
The process is tricky because in some way you have to gain some new mode of thinking. Attachment/Detachment do some of the work on their own, but you also have to help it. And for that you have to act with the good mindset. What i have discover, but there is certainly more, that there is two mind disposition you can take(or that are in play) :
->Control : Which in some way is just preventing the detachment process for reason you have to find for yourself (it can be running away from yourself, fear etc etc).
->Acceptance : Which will help the attachment to drop there power on your mind. We spoke that the attachment as took the form of a value which was carry by person B. And now the value still exist in your mind but there is no really support for it in the real world. By accepting the situation, the attachment will transform themselves, will transform the value because you will create a "meaning" which is no more carry on by an external object, but inside yourself.
Accepting a situation, it's not "oh i'm fine now i accept it", it's also swimming with all the consequence of your decision and accept them ("i will be sad", "i will no more be with her", "it was a ___ty relationship", "there was some good in it but it wasn't for me" etc etc)
It's when people are saying that "i don't regret the break-up because it help me to become this and that and i learn this and that, and oh i had mindblowing sex with Clara, wah my ex sucks so much, love my life now cheears
". More seriously, it will became a part of your history, of yourself. Accept that you goes through a ty situation, and as hard as it can be to accept it, yep it is now a part of yourself.
She filled a void in my life and made me feel alive.
Nop, don't go this way. One person can't do that if it's not already in the other. It was something in you that make you alive, your ex was just a representation of this.
Perhaps try some mediation in order to reduce her power on our head. Once that is done you will see more clearly and understand where you have to go.