NC day 0 and the Hypocracy

[Freeatlast_1]

My ex and I have been going through a very toxic volatile 2 months. In fact the whole relationship (8 months) was volatile. Intimacy is down to zero, I felt unsafe. I can't sleep with anyone if I feel anxious and unsafe. The blocking thing with the phones has been on/off for months. We block each other for a day or 2 as if it's nothing... .who does that! We double blocked each other today again, I got a major anxiety attack when she started saying that I got double standards, that I have a lot of work to do on myself, I'm dismissive, I'm invalidating, and her old spiel.
Last night, I had stayed for 2.5 hours last night, comforting her about family issues/struggles and building up her self-esteem and emotional independence. I really felt that I wish I had a person to comfort me, someone that I could rely on, and someone that could as supportive to me as I am to others. I made the mistake to tell her that, then she had the audacity to tell me "you have to give first before you receive. Tell that to yourself first, I need to seem thing". That got me to become extremely upset. I has been with her for eight months, and constant support. I mentored her to get her job and school, I opened her eyes to bad friends who were gonna scam her. Somehow her distorted brain thinks I was not helpful enough. I'm just shocked. I am hurt mostly because I wanted it to work with this one, I really tried. The issue is I cannot picture her with anybody else. My therapist, who was her therapist as well said that if she engages in another relationship right now it will be a train wreck. I'm currently no contact day 0/30. My therapist asked me to go for 30 days without contacting her harassing her, as a reset, and see how it goes. Tomorrow will be my first day of no contact. I shall take it a day at a time, I'm in immense pain at this time. I just hope she doesn't show up at my house, she tends to do that when her abandonment kicks in.

[TheRose]

So sorry to hear what you are going through now. I know from experience that it's very painful. Me and my ex broke up just a few weeks ago, and I'm doing no contact. It's been 3 week since no contact.

What are you aiming for by going no contact?

Don't feel guilty though. You do know that when someone has BPD the attention you give will NEVER be enough?
My ex would lay all these high standards which no one can even live up to. And then when I failed, she got angry. But then at other times she would tell me I am perfect. Black/white/black/white off and on, all the time. Don't worry about that. I know it's hard though.

Just go for it, no contact will be very very VERY painful. However, now it's time to focus on you.