Worst threats you encountered?

[gjkopriv]

I encountered every threat possible throughout the relationship. It started out by threatening to call the cops when she would have episodes in the middle of the night and have to leave the house.  She would be the one to get physical with me. It eventually would graduate to calling the cops on 2 occasions, when they showed up and she told them I wouldn't let her leave and she wanted to take her stuff, I told them lets all go in now and get her stuff out, she would just leave. Then she finally threatened with the restraining order. i was in a relationship 6 years ago with a black woman for 3 years. when my exBPDgf found out about that... .I would constantly get told how horrible a person I was for doing that... .meanwhile she told me stories about her younger years when she hooked up with a few professional athletes. but because she used them as toys it was ok... .and what i did was disgusting! . Now that i look back, i realize how dumb I  was but i never imagined someone that successful (she owned a huge house and had a  great job making quadruple what i made) and that attractive could be so challenged! Throughout the many break ups. i finally started taking care of myself and distancing myself from her... .she claimed she was getting help, but i found out they were lies and she acted like she was cured in 6 weeks.  I was dumb and gave her one more chance and it lasted all of 2 days, and on day 3 cause i wanted to go to the gym for an hour when she wasn't even around... .i was all of a sudden picking my friends and the gym over her... .and the final threats came that she was going to have her mafia friends take care of me... .meanwhile this mafia friend i never met in 8 months .  I always said to my family and friends that I was going to write a book about this, but when I found this forum, its already been written by so many people going through the same thing... .

[JerryRG]

Dito,

You are correct, the people are different but the experience is almost always the same.

We are the fortunate one's, how many more are in misery, confusion, desperation, jail, prison, or dead?

[gjkopriv]

Ahhhhh i know this. I can imagine the other men she put this through. The crazy part is that they all stick up for her. Some have even threatened me, but she is telling them false things, but i imagine they went through this same thing... .She was/is married for 20 years but practically stayed at my house every night for 8 months. Do these guys just go with it? Do they accept that she's going out sleeping with other guys all the time? confusing to me... .I still felt bad for her till last month ... .Last Christmas she told me her dad passed away, the same guy that supposedly abused her and she had to handle his belongings and this was the reason she started wondering and going quiet, and always meeting others... .So i haven't been with her since May, but i just  found out her father died in September... .9 months after she told me he passed... .If you can lie about that just to get someone to feel sorry for you and take you back, you'll lie about anything... .

[gotbushels]

Hi gjkopriv 

I too got threats around law enforcement.

I was a bit confused by some parts of your post.

She was/is married for 20 years but practically stayed at my house every night for 8 months. Do these guys just go with it? Do they accept that she's going out sleeping with other guys all the time? confusing to me... .

I don't mean this in a judgmental way at all. I am honestly just curious as to your thoughts.

You consented to a married woman staying at your house.

But you also mention the other men face the idea of her going out and sleeping with other men. May I discover why there's a conflict / confusion here to you? I don't quite understand this. Could you please clarify?

[gjkopriv]

Sorry. It kinda ran all together!  To explain it better.  When we met. She said she was married for20 years but they were never a traditional couple ... .That she was actually in a relationship with a woman the whole time... .That woman supposedly died 8 years ago so the husband was always around for the kids. Make any sense? The story is even hard to tell because I was so naive and hooked and so much happened   So anyways. After we hung out that first week she told me she loved me that she wanted a traditional relationship with me and a month in I was told the divorce was final!  I guess I believed her because around 3 months. She started bringing her young kids around. I guess I was lost because I never thought someone would do that and get their kids involved when you know deep down you can't control yourself!  And then to lie about your father dying? What would that prove.  ?  I know from reading, no 2 BPDs are the same.  But to hear all these stories. It's so sad. I heard of how she was raped even as an adult.  I believe she was married the whole time. I believe she might've claimed rape by 1 guy because she got pregnant from it and husband stayed around to take care of the kid. Quite bizarre and writing it makes me realize how dumb I was

[gotbushels]

Hi gjkopriv 

Surprising to me, that does make sense.

Something that might help you if you find yourself rebuking yourself over this is to look at the history. I think that's the easiest. 

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I don't think it's uncommon for a pwBPD to be dishonest about their marital status. That is quite a disconcerting relationship history. It's not obvious to me what's truthful or not truthful. It might all be lies, it might all be true. I think what would be helpful is not to focus on what happened, but to see the effects and results of it.

She has a messy relationship past. What you describe is a strong definition of messy. She then expresses she wants a traditional relationship. That may allow a non like you to step in. If you have some "saving" tendencies, you might even be drawn into this sort of situation.

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Regarding knowing the what and whatnot a pwBPD is capable of doing, it might be better for you to prepare for the worst. Something that helped me was to assume someone out-of-control and to expect actions from that. While it may not be accurate, I found it very helpful to me, especially when I didn't have time to do nitpick management of the pwBPD. Sometimes with a pwBPD, things just move so fast you don't have time to figure out what's true and what's not. It seems simple, but it can be difficult to adjust to, because most of us didn't assume a disordered person at the relationship's start. After a relationship, looking back with this set of eyes can help you find understanding by you, of both you and your ex.

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I don't think rape stories are uncommon amongst pwBPDs.

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How can you avoid things like these in the future?


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[One key]

Be sure this is just one version of her biography.

She might be rewriting it in a blink of an eye.
You may or may not appear in the next version.

My ex gf with heavy borderline had two children with two different fathers. She nor the kids had contact with the fathers. In the middle of the relationship i believed all her stories why they did not have contact. ( the fathers were drug addicts etc etc )

At the end of the relationship i started to doubt those stories.

 Now  three years after our break up i know that most of the stories were a lie.
( fathers were not drug addicts but on contrary respected businessmen)

So stories the BPD are telling us: dont make too much out of it. You cant believe it. Only facts count.

On threaths:

She threatened to go to the police and come up with a rape story if i would leave her. To make me understand better she scrathed the skin of her cheecks open with her own nails and made some bruises on her arms, imitating an attack on her from my side. Which police officer would not believe it.
And she claimed to have kept some sperm in the freezer that she was going to use too to make it more believable. Later i found out that  she indeed did keep some in her freezer.
Till today i have no idea it was mine or somebody else his.

[gjkopriv]

Wow that is scary that some people can even come up with these stories!  I feel lucky that I only dealt with her for 8 months.  I can imagine the pain and stress they put people through for years.   I even feel sorry for re husband.  If he really is ok. With her going and being with all these guys or he just sticks around cause he has no say in it.