10 months out

[Jeff26]

My ex ended our relationship a little over 10 months ago.

I've done a few updates on this site since then.

Here is my latest.


The first few months after break up, I spent my time trying to improve myself both physically and mentally.

I didn't realize at the time just how hard of a task it would be to get my mental health somewhat straightened out.

Now, 10 months later, I can honestly say that my mental state is much much healthier than it was right after the break up.

However, I feel like most of my healing has come from becoming numb/tired of all the thinking and feeling I do regarding her.

The biggest thing that gets to me is also the very thing that is prying me away... .that is, the fact that she has now been actively involved in a new relationship for 8 out of the 10 months since the break up.

She is friends on social media with my replacements Mom, his sisters, and she has facilitated her son having a means of contact with my replacement (via a messaging app, it took nearly a year before I gained that privileged)

I find that letting go is made easier by the fact that she has ingrained herself and her son into this new guys family/life, but it hurts like hell just the same.

I still find myself from time to time thinking "what the f!".

I'll be honest and admit that the remaining thoughts and feeling I have for her and her son are ones that I truly just don't want to give up on. My heart and mind seem to agree on these remaining feelings/thoughts.

I want her relationship to fall apart, as harsh as that is.

Yet, on the off & very rare chance that she is genuinely happy and found her soulmate, I can't help but be happy for her.

I guess that's what true love is... .seeing the one you love fall in love with someone else and hoping that it's actually true love instead of a sham.


For now, I am uncomfortably content with the situation, I don't like it but I can't ignore facts.


I long for the day that she contacts me.

But I'll be the first to admit, if the day comes that she contacts me, I only really want to hear "I made a mistake, I don't love him like I love you."

If it's anything else, say wanting to be friends... .I think that will hurt me even more.

At 10 months out, I'm beginning to think that maybe... .just maybe... .she did actually find the right guy for her and maybe they will live happily ever after.

But if she has been with him for 8 months and this isn't the real thing... .I just wonder why... .why take it so far as to ingrained you me son and yourself into this mans life and family.


This post may be scattered, that is a true reflection about how I feel... scattered.


If she lives happily ever after with this guy, then I wish them the best and that's me being honest.

But somewhere inside, I just know that that is not the case.

I wonder if she ever feels like she has to stay with him now to try to make it work after getting in so deep so quickly.


This post was prompted because of a valentines card that I found while cleaning... "here's to a trillion more" she wrote.

And a year later we were broken up and she was pursuing a relationship with someone else.

Then this morning I saw a pic of her with my replacements family members.

Ugh.

It still hurts, it's still confusing, but time is helping me heal.

The stupid thing is... .I don't want to heal based on time passing.

It feels like time is forcing me to let this go, I am not always on board with the idea of letting go...

[Pretty Woman]

Hi There,
    I have days like this too and I am 16mo out. I worked with my ex's sister and we were once friends. I am the devil incarnate to her now.

None of her family friended me on FB and the replacement is friends with ALL of them. Not only that but her mother who is very private (and I suspect BPD) is now active on FB and friends with all the replacement's friends.

Here I was treated like the plague and this person is seemingly loved by all of them.

It hurts but I will tell you this... .if your ex treated you poorly she will treat others that way too. I had the opportunity to meet my ex's exes and she cheated on all of them... .with other exes. They don't just miraculously stop doing this if this is the pattern they have kept for over twenty years.

The best thing your ex can do is never come back. To be cycled in again sucks. I have been there. You eventually get to the point all trust is out the window. In the end I resented my ex, even though I loved her.

Hang in there. These days come and go my friend. Keep reading and posting. Try not to read into FB... .past behavior usually indicates future.

 
PW

[SoMadSoSad]

Im in the the same boat as you. Except my ex did reach out but only to tell me she was sorry for the stress she caused me and my family and to tell me im not a bad person. It has left me wondering now if she has finally let go of our relationship and gave closure for the both of us. I usually see that when they reach out it is to recycle but that wasnt the case in my situation and it honestly makes me feel less than the replacement. Their relationship seems to be going the distance and it seems that she is now indifferent to me like she has finally truly moved on and im still here. My T told me maybe the replacement is getting walked on like a doormat but idk they seem to work well together.