Effects on older kids

[ElinorD]

My BP DH's niece has BPD, too, a more low-functioning type. She's having babies with a bad guy. So then my DH was saying he doesn't know how to talk to our daughters to prevent that kind of thing and have I? He's afraid that one of our girls is a romantic who could get in a bad situation like that.

I told him that I've talked with them about a variety of relationship issues. And that one of the best things he could do is practice good relationship skills with them, like letting our daughter disagree with him instead of shutting her down. I elaborated as gently as I could, but I got the hardened face look from him as he said he disagrees and he thinks she's getting away with not doing her chores. That's not what I was really talking about. <sigh>

How to help your kids when dysfunctional Dad thinks that authoritarian parenting is the answer instead of working on the way he relates to his kids or his own emotions.

And WOW, how is BPD niece's behavior anything like being romantic? WTH?

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[bobcat2014]

Hello Elinor,

I am sorry you are going thru this now. It seems like you are being pulled into a dysfunctional triangulation. If you try to apply common logic to BPD, it will never make sense to you, ever. I know you want to help your niece, but she has to be responsible for her actions. The guy probably is a dud and taking advantage of the low function you mention, but if he is in your house, you still set the boundaries, whether he likes it or not.

[ElinorD]

Oh, I'm sorry I was unclear. The niece is barely in our lives. My DH just heard about her and then applies what he hears to worrying about our kids.