At what point is it abandonment?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Ex has not had any contact since May, and really none since March, except to respond to me and tell me not to contact him. He has not paid any child support ever, hasn't contributed at all since last October when he would atleast pay for some diapers and food for about 15 hours a week. No Christmas presents, no Birthday presents. He has not officially filed any paperwork with the court, not even a change of address, although I know he hasn't lived there since July. I don't know where he lives now or if he homeless again. Hasn't had an overnight since August 2015. At what point am I still bound by the parenting plan, like me not being able to move out of the school district or change her doctor.

[rarsweet]

Ex has not had any contact since May, and really none since March, except to respond to me and tell me not to contact him. He has not paid any child support ever, hasn't contributed at all since last October when he would atleast pay for some diapers and food for about 15 hours a week. No Christmas presents, no Birthday presents. He has not officially filed any paperwork with the court, not even a change of address, although I know he hasn't lived there since July. I don't know where he lives now or if he homeless again. Hasn't had an overnight since August 2015. At what point am I still bound by the parenting plan, like me not being able to move out of the school district or change her doctor.

[ForeverDad]

Well, you could file an Intention to Relocate notice.  Of course his mail would bounce, I believe, not sure how hard you would have to try to find him or if that's up to the servers.  If they report they can't find him that would support your position that he doesn't even care enough to keep the court updated, besides no visiting.At some point you could probably proceed with your changes.  Odds are he's not likely to fuss too much, don't you think?

Does he still come by your work?  If so, you could hand it to him.  May as well do the move notice and doctor change at the same time.

Come to think of it, I take some of that back.  My county says we notify the court for moves and the person filing can ask the court to do the contacting.  Then it's up to the recipient to contest it in court.  If not contested, then it's okay.  What is your county court's methods?

Daughter won't even be old enough for school for another year or two, right?  Then why do you have the no-move clause?  Did he insist on it?  Frankly, that is a bit unrealistic unless that's his residence area too.  Overall you just need to be in charge, the primary parent.

There's a truism I learned years ago that usually works if done without ruffling feathers... .It's easier to ask for forgiveness than get permission.

[rarsweet]

The court would send him certified mail at his last address on file. His last address is his father's residence. I now know he hasn't been there since July, since I am now speaking to his father. I know his father intends to move soon also. I am not planning on moving right this moment. I graduate in March and I am considering moving after that, probably in the summer. I am thinking it would only be about 3 hours away. I would like to change daughter's doctor right now, he is 45 minutes away and the drive sucks in the winter here.
 I haven't seen him at my work in about 3 weeks, although a coworker saw him last week and said he looks terrible. I have changed the days I work there so maybe our schedules don't allow for him to come when I am there anymore.
 Our state automatically has a clause that any parent who has the child for 150 days a year must notify the other parent 60 days in advance to move out of the school district.
   Technically daughter could go to preschool in 5 months, although some preschools she wouldn't be able to go until next July. I would like to move before I put her in a preschool here and disrupt her by moving.

[rarsweet]

It has been 63 days since our last court hearing and there hasn't been any order from the judge yet. It's ridiculous. So he took off for 5 weeks starting in February, we had court in March, between March and May he was only responding to my emails saying that he didn't want me to contact him until we had a court order. May we got an order saying he could have 2 three hour visits a week. I then emailed asking when he would like those times to be, he has never responded. So August we had court and I asked for supervised visits. No contact from him at all since then and no order yet. I also filed for child support last January and the judge hasn't issued any order even though in August he admitted to be employed now making more than I am, since April. So when the judge gets around to it he is already about 4k in arrears right now.

[rarsweet]

 
This is what is in our Parenting Plan

 Relocation of a Residence of a Child. –
    I. This section shall apply if the existing parenting plan, order on parental rights and responsibilities, or other enforceable agreement between the parties does not expressly govern the relocation issue. This section shall not apply if the relocation results in the residence being closer to the other parent or to any location within the child's current school district.
    II. This section shall apply to the relocation of any residence in which the child resides at least 150 days a year.
    III. Prior to relocating, the parent shall provide reasonable notice to the other parent. For purposes of this section, 60 days notice shall be presumed to be reasonable unless other factors are found to be present.
    IV. At the request of either parent, the court shall hold a hearing on the relocation issue.
    V. The parent seeking permission to relocate bears the initial burden of demonstrating, by a preponderance of the evidence, that:
       (a) The relocation is for a legitimate purpose; and
       (b) The proposed location is reasonable in light of that purpose.
    VI. If the burden of proof established in paragraph V is met, the burden shifts to the other parent to prove, by a preponderance of the evidence, that the proposed relocation is not in the best interest of the child.

[sanemom]

It is amazing all of the games they can play.  I am sure it depends on your state what the laws are regarding that.  It may be worth the price of an hour with an attorney to figure it out.

[rarsweet]

Well another surprise. My teenage babysitter's dad approached me with an offer last night. He and his family are planning to move in 3 years. They are going to retire when their twins graduate high school. The girls have picked out their college already and the family is going to move to that area. He just bought a store down there. Their plan is to have that business as income once they move down there. It is the same type of store I work here as my second job that I have almost 10 years of experience in. He asked me if I would move down there in the next few months to manage it. He offered me 75k a year to start salary, he will pay for the move. It is in a great area, right in a major beach town, great weather, great schools. My mother also has more experience in this business than I do and I have been thinking of having her move with me if I moved. I could have her move with us and give her a part time job to boot so she can still babysit for me. He asked if he could send his girls down in the summers and vacations until they graduate so they can get to know the area. My school I can do all online if I choose or change to a college there. It is just a perfect situation.

[ForeverDad]

  Sounds like you have good choices going forward.  Filing a move notice sounds like the thing to do.  It may also give incentive for the court to issue decisions for whatever paperwork is pending.

If at all possible clear out all the pending legal issues.  As you surely know, you have an issue with feeling obligated and stuck between decisions.  Time to revisit your favorite family law attorney to thrash out strategies for getting needed results sooner rather than later.  If you don't already have some form of Tie Breaker or Decision Making status, aim for that, it's the most practical way to deal with an irregular sometimes dad.  Remember, keep your obligations to Ex at a minimum, it does no good that you leave him opening to pop back into your parenting life now and then just to create chaos and confusion.  Trying to look 'fair' can too easily give hi control he shouldn't have.  Court probably doesn't care whether you're fair, just that the I's are dotted and T's are crossed.

[rarsweet]

The offer my babysitter's father gave me is 16 hours away. Much further than the 3 hours away I was thinking of. This may be wrong but, our parenting plan says I must notify ex of any impending move. He then can file a motion to argue against it. I don't have any phone number for him.His phone was shut off last Christmas and he has never given me a new one or put a number on file with the court. I know he isn't at his last listed address and don't know a new one for him. Since I have been talking to his father I could ask him to try to get ahold of ex, but his dad says they haven't spoken since July. So how do I notify him unless it's through his father? Do I even have to go to that length? If I send him certified mail at his last address and he isn't there to get it, isn't that me trying to notify him?