How common is it for a BPD to turn mutual friends against you?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Had this just happen.

Broke up months ago. Somewhere down the line we developed into friends who just play online video games every other odd day when were both on. I was enjoying this as it seemed drama-free; Felt happy as I still got her in my life, but it wasn't so dysfunctional and flip-floppy. I was becoming pretty mint about having our distance just because it was stable.

However, I haven't been on this game in half a week. Been busy with work, and been enjoying my own space, hanging with friends.  As soon as I get on, mutual friends (mostly my friends) tell me to don't speak to her anymore threateningly; That she needs space from me. I've never experienced this type of treatment from my friends before! They wouldn't even say why specifically, just she needs space away from me.
I was shocked because the last time me and her hanged out we were all good. She was extremely happy to hang out with me and we had a swell time. She even said she couldn't wait to hang out again!

I can't help but laugh, because I just don't get it. These were some good friends of mine too. Now it's awkward where she hangs out with them and they all go silent on me and avoid me.

Ironically the only reason she plays this video game was to hang out and talk to me again. Only reason she plays is to play with me, she said this herself. Yet she wants space and all of sudden super-best-buds with my friends out of nowhere?

Note: Her being super buddy with them is not normal! She was very timid around them until recent.

Feels weird especially when asking for 'space'. I keep myself busy and only make myself available on odd days, we don't do much anymore besides hang out on the game which isn't very often.
It's bizarre when reality seems twisted on you. It's as if I'm branded a stalker or harasser, but how is this a thing if our communication is quite low, she always initiates, and last time I talked about our ex-relationship was over a month ago?

Questions back to the topic:

1. How common is this?
2. Why do they do this?

[ShadowA]

Had this just happen.

Broke up months ago. Somewhere down the line we developed into friends who just play online video games every other odd day when were both on. I was enjoying this as it seemed drama-free; Felt happy as I still got her in my life, but it wasn't so dysfunctional and flip-floppy. I was becoming pretty mint about having our distance just because it was stable.

However, I haven't been on this game in half a week. Been busy with work, and been enjoying my own space, hanging with friends.  As soon as I get on, mutual friends (mostly my friends) tell me to don't speak to her anymore threateningly; That she needs space from me. I've never experienced this type of treatment from my friends before! They wouldn't even say why specifically, just she needs space away from me.
I was shocked because the last time me and her hanged out we were all good. She was extremely happy to hang out with me and we had a swell time. She even said she couldn't wait to hang out again!

I can't help but laugh, because I just don't get it. These were some good friends of mine too. Now it's awkward where she hangs out with them and they all go silent on me and avoid me.

Ironically the only reason she plays this video game was to hang out and talk to me again. Only reason she plays is to play with me, she said this herself. Yet she wants space and all of sudden super-best-buds with my friends out of nowhere?

Note: Her being super buddy with them is not normal! She was very timid around them until recent.

Feels weird especially when asking for 'space'. I keep myself busy and only make myself available on odd days, we don't do much anymore besides hang out on the game which isn't very often.
It's bizarre when reality seems twisted on you. It's as if I'm branded a stalker or harasser, but how is this a thing if our communication is quite low, she always initiates, and last time I talked about our ex-relationship was over a month ago?

Questions back to the topic:

1. How common is this?
2. Why do they do this?

[Shedd]

Had this just happen.


Questions back to the topic:

1. How common is this?
2. Why do they do this?

I'm not sure how common it is, but in my experience being with a BPD I almost lost all my friends. 

She didn't like any of my friends so she would never want to go hang out with them with me, and every time I went to go hang out with one of them she would think I was cheating on her, and text me the entire time making sure I wasn't.

I lost a good friend at work because we would sit at break together, and one night I asked her if I could just sit alone with my GF because I knew she dindn't like her, and I didn't want to be in the middle of an awkward situation.  She was a very sensitive person and took it the wrong way, but still I lost her as a friend. 

Idk, I think they just don't want you to have any contact with anyone because they want you all to themseleves, but  then it's funny because they pull away? Makes no sense.  I guess when you really do stuff like that for them they probably feel so guilty because they're doing it to you!

Sigh, it's probably for the best that she isn't talking to you.  And if those "friends" are being like that with you, they're not true friends.

[Mutt]

Hi ShadowA,

Drama triangles are common

https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

You have three points in a triangle, you, your ex, the group of friends. The friends are rescuing your ex, she's cast as victim and you're cast as persecutor.

[ShadowA]

I'm not sure how common it is, but in my experience being with a BPD I almost lost all my friends.  

She didn't like any of my friends so she would never want to go hang out with them with me, and every time I went to go hang out with one of them she would think I was cheating on her, and text me the entire time making sure I wasn't.

I lost a good friend at work because we would sit at break together, and one night I asked her if I could just sit alone with my GF because I knew she dindn't like her, and I didn't want to be in the middle of an awkward situation.  She was a very sensitive person and took it the wrong way, but still I lost her as a friend.  

Idk, I think they just don't want you to have any contact with anyone because they want you all to themseleves, but  then it's funny because they pull away? Makes no sense.  I guess when you really do stuff like that for them they probably feel so guilty because they're doing it to you!

Sigh, it's probably for the best that she isn't talking to you.  And if those "friends" are being like that with you, they're not true friends.

Yeah it does put things in perspective, I've recently took a break from contact from them all atm. However the friends became more mutual (or so it appears) once they gave me time to explain my side. However, I find their reaction bizarre thinking back on it, especially how assertive they were; So ex may be spreading nonsense, but who knows... In either case...  :)rama is getting old, and It's starting to push me away. So ironically she's getting more space regardless, as I feel uncomfortable hanging around the group and the game anymore at this time...


Sorry to hear about your situation, I can definately empathize it.
Thank you for sharing.

Hi ShadowA,

Drama triangles are common

https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

You have three points in a triangle, you, your ex, the group of friends. The friends are rescuing your ex, she's cast as victim and you're cast as persecutor.

It's interesting that you mentioned that... .
I'll definately read up on it. I'm sure it'll make a lot of sense.

[ShadowA]

Found out the reason for the request for space.
The 'other' guy is involved who has caused us relationship issues earlier.

Guess she wanted to replace me completely.
As of now they are playing on the game I mentioned earlier.
It's pretty strange since her only interest in playing it was to hang with me.

Honestly, this is probably one of the coldest things she's done.
Cutting me out and replacing me on something I enjoy, and making me feel alienated from my favorite game, and friends.
That takes quite a bit of pre-meditation, and makes me sad.

[Mutt]

Hi ShadowA,

I'm sorry that this happened. It's tough when your romantic partner triangulates you with someone new the other guy is rescuing her. I can relate with that, you feel powerless because the other person is constantly rescuing and you're cast as the bad guy . It's a tough spot to be in.

She may enjoy playing with you, she may also detect your emotional attachment / availability when things crumble with the other guy.

[ShadowA]

Hi ShadowA,

I'm sorry that this happened. It's tough when your romantic partner triangulates you with someone new the other guy is rescuing her. I can relate with that, you feel powerless because the other person is constantly rescuing and you're cast as the bad guy . It's a tough spot to be in.

She may enjoy playing with you, she may also detect your emotional attachment / availability when things crumble with the other guy.

Yeah, just not sure why she went this route for.
We were on good terms. So not sure why she nuked it.

The way I consider it. She either did it for two reasons or both.

1. To get to me- bothered and riled up.
2. Wanted to be selfish, Didn't care about how I felt or that it would make me uncomfortable.

[kentavr3]

exBPDw alienated all my close friends against me. I lost 2 of them. They destroy your support system. But... .we also have responsibility for losing our friends. We needed to have boundaries.