Memory Loss

[Elle2011]

Good Morning and Happy Holidays!

Does anyone notice short term memory loss in their BPD partner?

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[VitaminC]

Good morning, Elle, and Happy Holidays to you too!   

Yes, I think if you search around the Boards, you will see that it's a frequent feature. There was a good discussion of this some time ago in this thread.

What memory loss have you noticed in your own r/s and how have you coped with it so far?

enjoy the day!   

[Elle2011]

The memory loss ranges from whether he has eaten, medication, and conversation we just had. Yesterday I was asked a few times what day of the week it was and the date.

I think he's on track for a manic episode as he has been trying to start arguments all morning. Sadly, yesterday and now today I wish he would take a really long nap.

[Lockjaw]

I am a non bp with memory loss. Does that count?

[cbm419]

Yes all the time. He also gaslights- remembers things differently than they actually happened, usually to serve his purposes in any given moment.

Mine was certainly not a master gaslighter tho and it was very transparent. Funny thing was often showing him a text, journal entry or any other evidence that derailed his misconceptions- almost an instant rage trigger.

It felt very manipulative. Because it was either accept his delusional narrative of the past of pay the price. Often, at the end of our relationship, I would just capitulate to save me the Trouble of enduring another lengthy rage session.

But it was silly. For example, he would always claim a few incidents of particularly abhorrent cheating followed a conversation where I broke tings off for a few weeks. In reality, those incidents were the reason I cut him out that time. When I challenged his narrative, it ended with a rage that at its end, had him claiming other very invalid reasons led to those cheating incidents. So he admitted his memory was fundamentally wrong.

Months later, in a different fight he went right back to this already disproven gaslight. I quickly reminded him we've already had this discussion and he was forgetting it again. He didn't rage a second time around but just accused me of being an a$$hole who sucks at love and doesn't understand that sex and love are fundamentally different. And I was discarding our incredibly unique love because I was too shallow to look past the cheating.

Well in no point in our relationship did we have open boundaries. And the one time I suggested it, as to accommodate his repeated cheating, he accused me of wanting to be w other people all along. He said that was screwed up and to have real love he couldn't share me.  But I had to share him?

Astounding. So glad it's over.

[Notwendy]

I've found that highly emotional episodes- dysregulation tend to change memory, but also shame- rewriting history are common. But not things like forgetting medication, what one eats for lunch, date and time. If this is new, or getting worse, or you are more concerned, then he needs to be checked out medically.

PwBPD may have some issues that are attributed to BPD, but the same "rules"  apply to them as the general population. If someone showed a recent change in their physical or mental condition- a loss of memory, change of behavior- you'd take them to a health care practitioner- BPD or not.