Here for help...

[Depression = 72% of members]

It was inevitable that today would come but it's much harder than I thought.  I've elected to divest myself (and by my action, my BPD sister will also have to) of joint property from our inheritance.  I've always been very close with my five neices and nephews (I was always the safe haven) and I talked with them before telling my sib.  All of my nieces and nephews are siding with their mother.  She and I haven't had a cross word in years; just very limited contact.  I've never felt so empty in my life.  I have been ghosted or screamed at by one and all.  Intellectually, I understand this perfectly.  Emotionally, I want to cuddle up with the nearest bottle of wine. 

[Coral]

It was inevitable that today would come but it's much harder than I thought.  I've elected to divest myself (and by my action, my BPD sister will also have to) of joint property from our inheritance.  I've always been very close with my five neices and nephews (I was always the safe haven) and I talked with them before telling my sib.  All of my nieces and nephews are siding with their mother.  She and I haven't had a cross word in years; just very limited contact.  I've never felt so empty in my life.  I have been ghosted or screamed at by one and all.  Intellectually, I understand this perfectly.  Emotionally, I want to cuddle up with the nearest bottle of wine. 

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Coral:

I've elected to divest myself (and by my action, my BPD sister will also have to) of joint property from our inheritance. 

Sounds like you could use a big hug     I'm sorry you got a bad reaction to the news about divesting your interest in the house.  I'm thinking this either means that you are putting the house up for sale or are going to sell your interest to someone else, if your sister can't buy you out. 

Can you share some more details about the house?  Who is living there currently, perhaps your sister and/or some mixture of nieces and nephews?

I have an uBPD sister.  We sold our deceased parent's home about a year ago.  I was so glad we sold the house.  The idea of renting out the house was mentioned, but not by me.  It would have been a constant source of conflict.  I knew it was likely that my sister would have tried to move either my niece or nephew into the home.  Both of them are dysfunctional and can't keep a job, so it would have been a constant source of conflict.

She and I haven't had a cross word in years; just very limited contact.  I've never felt so empty in my life.  I have been ghosted or screamed at by one and all.  Intellectually, I understand this perfectly.  Emotionally, I want to cuddle up with the nearest bottle of wine. 

Hopefully you can keep talking to us and that we can offer more than a bottle of wine.    I hope we haven't given anyone a hang over yet. 

I, too, had rather limited contact with my sister, until we had to start working closely together when our parent's health began to fail.  The chain of events was awful and we are currently NC.

It hurts to be yelled at and ghosted.  It must feel like it is something permanent right now.  Things might be uncomfortable until your divestment is final.  Perhaps, there can be a reconciliation down the road?

[Coral]

NN,   Thank you for your kind words.  It's open land w/no one in residence.  And, I don't believe I will ever be willing to reconcile, even if the nieces and nephews would.  The acid thrown at my heart is something I will NEVER be willing to submit to again.  The joint ownership has been nothing but heartache and lies since before we inherited.  I can't wait to be rid of it.  However, I wish to make sound financial decisions, even though I'd be willing to pay someone to take it.  LOL

The wine comment ... .not an alcoholic nor drama queen, just a glass of wine will help me relax. 

I've been through a divorce and it didn't hurt nearly as much as this is hurting.  As they say, when in hell, keep walking... .

[Naughty Nibbler]

It's open land w/no one in residence.  And, I don't believe I will ever be willing to reconcile, even if the nieces and nephews would.  The acid thrown at my heart is something I will NEVER be willing to submit to again.  The joint ownership has been nothing but heartache and lies since before we inherited.  I can't wait to be rid of it.  However, I wish to make sound financial decisions, even though I'd be willing to pay someone to take it.  LOL 

Hey Coral:

What is the source of conflict, in regard to the land? Could one option be to just sign it over to your sister? (quit claim deed).  What are your choices, from the most profitable to you to the least profitable?  Which choice would give you the least amount of stress?

Enjoy your wine and do what you can to relax. 

[Coral]

Thanks for the responses.

Sorry for the long delay in responding... .I was out of town.  The mineral rights on the property are extremely valuable so a sale to the right person is the most profitable.  However, structuring a mineral rights sale is as convoluted as they come.  The least profitable is to sign off to sib.  The least stressful, short term, is to sign over the rights but that becomes the most stressful long-term.

I knew there'd be blowback and that the nieces and nephews might have a hard time but the degree of their animosity is staggering.  I also knew that my sib and I would permanently part ways but never did I see her using her kids to this degree.  Caught me a little more than off-guard.

So, I slug my way through the psychological molasses, allowing myself to grieve.  Some days are just harder than others.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Coral:   

It seems that issues of inheritances and family possessions can tear apart families without personality disorders.  Are there costs associated with the property, such as property taxes or some type of maintenance costs (weed control, etc.)?   

There are some lower cost alternatives for selling property these days.  There are some options where you can have a "for sale by owner" with some assistance, that  can cost less than a full price realtor.

Perhaps take some time to let things settled for awhile.  Sometimes, if you take some time to take care yourself and let some time pass, things can evolve to a better solution. 

[Coral]

NN, Please believe me, I'm not playing "yes, but... ." I'm not worried about the "cost" (expenses, etc.) of the sale so a least costly alternative isn't in my scope of interest, not to mention the intricacies of a minerals rights sale.  I've secured an attorney and a therapist (therapist is well acquainted with BPD and my sib's antics over decades). The atty knows my sib and has said he would never represent her. Plus a competent broker and appraiser, both of whom came as recommendations from colleagues I trust.  In other words, I've done everything I can to insulate myself.  It's my own emotions that are ripping me apart on some days.  It's that internal betrayal of myself by myself that's throwing me for the loop.  The attacks just flat-out hurt.  I know there is a positive, healthy life on the other side of this.  It's just getting through it. 

Actually, the attacks of feeling wretched are lasting less and less time and that's a very hopeful sign.