Dealing with legal drama from ex and his new girlfriend

[Grvdin]

I’m not sure I’ve posted this in the correct place, I’m sorry for that!

My ex (undiagnosed pwBPD, alcoholic and drug addict) and I stopped seeing eachother at the beggining of the year, after being on and off for months when I finally called him out for his gaslighting attempts. We didn’t speak for a couple of months.

A few months later, a girl he started seeing (diagnosed BPD, alcoholic) kept trying to befriend me at the club. We only have one club in our town. I knew she was seeing him but I was polite and friendly with her. It turns out, she didn’t know I was his ex.

Around this time, he and I started talking again when we saw eachother out - keeping in mind we are both blocked, we don’t communicate any other way, only catching up and asking how things are going. She asked me how I knew him and I told her I was his ex.

Since then, she has made threats against me and tried recruiting other people to fight me on her behalf, they are spreading rumors and lies about me, saying that I’m stalking him and her and need to leave them alone, that I’m calling and turning up at their house, that I’m crazy and he is telling her he has an AVO on me, which he does not. When they have seen me at the club they run the other way.


This week, she has actually come into my work to try to get me in trouble. I am in the process now of having them both banned from my workplace, and putting a domestic violence order against him and a personal safety intervention order against her. A mutual friend told them this a few weeks ago and they begged to be left alone. I didn’t do anything, and was already leaving them alone, and I assume this is why they have now escalated to coming into my work to try to get a response from me.

This is giving me so much anxiety as I’m having people I don’t even know screaming at me to leave them alone and stop stalking and causing drama. I am also worried that I’m walking into a trap. I’ve cut off all of the mutual friends we had.

What can I do? I haven’t stalked him at all, they are both blocked, I don’t know their numbers and I obviously have my phone records to prove I’m not calling, I don’t go to his house and the only place I see them is the only club that we have, which I haven’t been to in a month because of this drama. I’m not worried about the legal side of this as I also have cctv and I can prove where I am and when. But they are ruining my name.

I know the PSIO/IVO means they can’t threaten me or come near me. But what can I do about the rumors? Why are they even doing this? Are they genuinely so sad and so unhappy that they have nothing better to do? Is this his way of getting to me because I didn’t fall apart like he expected?

[PeteWitsend]

You may want to consider following through with a protective order against them in order to establish a record in case they try to do the same thing to you.

I would also see if you can get the police to speak to them; I had an ex in college that was getting obscene phone messages, bordering on threats, from one of her exes, and I remember the police went to him and told him in no uncertain terms he needed to stop it if he wanted to stay out of jail.  I don't know if you have physical evidence of their threats, but that might be helpful.

If the police won't do anything, and it escalates further, you could call a privacy investigator/security company, and see if they're willing to help  - for a fee of course.  I have no idea how much that may cost you, but it's better than nothing.  Maybe they could also get the police to intervene on your behalf (a lot of private security people are former law enforcement). 

How did the process of getting them banned from your workplace go?  Do you work in a place accessible to the public (like a restaurant)? 

[Grvdin]

Thank you for your response. The police won’t really talk to them, aside from encouraging a protection order. I’m not at this point willing to pay for someone to intervene either, and I think a private investigator will probably support their case that I’m ’stalking’ them anyway. No need for security, they won’t actually harm me, they are really just trying to make my life difficult.

I’m 90% sure he has just convinced her that I’m doing these things to keep her away from me so that he can protect his image.

My place is publicly accessible, it’s within a centre which I am seeing today, they said there’s no problem banning her, unfortunately my actual workplace is being a little more difficult, and for the centre to ban her, they actually need to see her in there and have her sign the notice

[PeteWitsend]

Thank you for your response. The police won’t really talk to them, aside from encouraging a protection order. I’m not at this point willing to pay for someone to intervene either, and I think a private investigator will probably support their case that I’m ’stalking’ them anyway. No need for security, they won’t actually harm me, they are really just trying to make my life difficult.

I’m 90% sure he has just convinced her that I’m doing these things to keep her away from me so that he can protect his image.

My place is publicly accessible, it’s within a centre which I am seeing today, they said there’s no problem banning her, unfortunately my actual workplace is being a little more difficult, and for the centre to ban her, they actually need to see her in there and have her sign the notice

Not a private investigator.  Sorry, I wasn't clear.  A private security service. 

That could be very expensive of course, but if the police don't do anything and it escalates, maybe you can get them to send a letter, or otherwise do a one-time intervention?  It may prove fruitless, but these are professionals, so maybe they'll have some advice you can use if the police will not help. 

If the harassment is at this level, i.e. annoying but not physically threatening, maybe you just have to ignore it until it goes away.