Exhausted

[Parents! Get help here!]

My 34 year old daughter has eubpd. She's been mostly in psychiatric hospitals, or care settings for the last 10 years. She's recently moved into her own flat. Had to leave psychiatric hospital as she accused a carer of sexual abuse. So got to come to my house, under the pretence of this as she couldn't go back to the hospital. She was due to move to a rehab setting within the next week. She was at my house for 3 weeks, whilst we were waiting for furniture etc to be put in her new flat. She's been in the new flat a week, and is now claiming she's had a premonition that the family are going to be murdered. We're getting little support from social services etc. My 80 yr old mum, had her at her house for a few days (against my advice) but she's an angel and trys to help anyone. It ended badly as Mum has a chest infection and couldn't cope with her. I'm now trying to look after my Mum as well as my BPD daughter.
I've tried not to do to much for her, I work so say I'm not available when I'm at work. I try to get a day to myself but generally it doesn't happen. I get text or calls from BPD daughter saying she loves me constantly. She's extremely manipulative and my younger daughter is unhappy that I'm under constant fear of BPD daughter harming herself etc. I realise I need to set up more boundaries but I'm finding it so difficult. Any advice would be welcomed.

[Heidi53]

My 34 year old daughter has eubpd. She's been mostly in psychiatric hospitals, or care settings for the last 10 years. She's recently moved into her own flat. Had to leave psychiatric hospital as she accused a carer of sexual abuse. So got to come to my house, under the pretence of this as she couldn't go back to the hospital. She was due to move to a rehab setting within the next week. She was at my house for 3 weeks, whilst we were waiting for furniture etc to be put in her new flat. She's been in the new flat a week, and is now claiming she's had a premonition that the family are going to be murdered. We're getting little support from social services etc. My 80 yr old mum, had her at her house for a few days (against my advice) but she's an angel and trys to help anyone. It ended badly as Mum has a chest infection and couldn't cope with her. I'm now trying to look after my Mum as well as my BPD daughter.
I've tried not to do to much for her, I work so say I'm not available when I'm at work. I try to get a day to myself but generally it doesn't happen. I get text or calls from BPD daughter saying she loves me constantly. She's extremely manipulative and my younger daughter is unhappy that I'm under constant fear of BPD daughter harming herself etc. I realise I need to set up more boundaries but I'm finding it so difficult. Any advice would be welcomed.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Heidi53
Did the hospital discharge her due to the accusation? If so I find that pretty poor because they are treating people with mental health challenges so surely that takes priority?

In any case it seems your DD has needed help/treatment on several occasions in the past years. What a journey you have been on! This time DD's time in hospital has been cut short and no rehab. I imagine the rehab is a time when a client can be assessed to see if the treatment is working etc etc.

So without this important time, your DD is discharged and you are trying to cope under extraordinary circumstances. Can I ask what process took place that resulted in DD being admitted to hospital? Did she admit herself/enforced admission etc?

I can understand your other daughter's position and thinking but I am not sure this is the moment to be putting up additional boundaries. The reasons I think this are that I think she has been discharged too early and the rehab process was essential particularly as DD has had previous admissions etc; another reason is that I think that she may well not be ready to live in a flat on her own (has she done this before and how did it go?)

Are you able to talk to the doctors or whoever might be helpful to let them know how fragile DD is and that you are at your wits end to know how to support her? If DD lives on her own does she take any meds that are prescribed?

Sorry for all the questions. It's just that this is such a difficult situation, you seem to be having to manage it yourself - and I am not sure DD is mentally stable enough at this point in time.

I really hope that some supported living type thing could be possible at this point in time.

Thinking of you  . . .